Have you ever watched the sport of curling?
Correction: Have you ever watched the sport of curling and stayed awake?
Now, while I’m far from a sports know-it-all – or even a neophyte – I have seen a bit of curling and here’s what it looks like to me:
|Seriously, badly dressed adults|
|Walking, squatting and assuming other uncomfortable postures on ice|
|And making faces|
|While pushing big rocks around with – what else – brooms.|
Eventually someone wins, but I have no idea how.
I just learned that not only is curling an Olympic sport – but at the 2018 Winter Olympics, for the first time ever:
MIXED DOUBLES CURLING!
TEAM USA QUALIFIES!
Wow! Is that like mixed doubles tennis?
Yes, exactly! Except it’s on ice, the participants are badly dressed, they squat a lot, and instead of gracefully volleying tennis balls, they’re shoving around a 40-pound rock and cleaning house at the same time.
I decided to learn more and it turns out that was easy – reams have been written about curling (ZZZzzz). Websites are devoted to the sport, for the World Curling Federation, the United States Curling Association, the Curling National Championships, and about a gazillion curling clubs (ZZZZZzzzzz).
And there’s a long history here – there’s evidence that “curling existed in Scotland in the early 16th century, including a curling stone inscribed with the date 1511 uncovered (along with another bearing the date 1551) when an old pond was drained at Dunblane, Scotland.”
I guess no one told those badly dressed, squatting Scots that the game loses some of its appeal when the pond melts.
Curling includes a mixed bag of terms such as sheet, the ice on which the game is played; stone, a clever nickname for that rock; and the broom thing is called a brush, “a device used by players to sweep/clean the ice in front of a moving stone.”
Like I said, housekeeping.
The male/female curling teams will make their debut this winter in PyeongChang, South Korea, a destination that makes the event sound even more attractive.
Hello, does the name Kim Jong Un ring any bells? South Korea is, like, sorta close to North Korea?
Ah, well. A mere bagatelle.
Olympic advertisers will spend tons of money like they always do, the ratings will stink, like they always do, and a month later we’ll have forgotten who won, like we always do.
But at least we’ll have clean sheet.