If I confined my blog posts to writing only about subjects about which I knew nothing…
I’d never run out of subjects.
The depth and breadth of my lack of knowledge could fill all the books in the Library of Congress, and that’s around 39 million books.
All those, and then some.
Case in point:
I’d never seen the word “rhebok” until I recently read in it a novel. The reference was the narrator’s dog “bounding around like a rhebok.”
What the heck, I thought, is a rhebok?
I’d seen and heard the word Reebok a million times. Who hasn’t?
Those famous logos…
That you see on famous people in those famous shoes…
And other logoed clothing…
The brand has been around – in the U.S. – since 1980.
So I knew what Reebok was.
Meet the rhebok, a medium-sized antelope weighing 42-66 pounds with a long neck and narrow ears. Only the males have horns, which are six to 10 inches long. Rheboks are described as “good jumpers,” hence the book referring to the narrator’s dog as “bounding around like a rhebok.”
Rheboks live mainly in Southern Africa, and Southern Africa was colonized mainly by the Dutch. Their spelling of rhebok was reebok.
Ah! A connection!
But how did reebok get connected to Reebok?
For that we need to meet Joseph William Foster, born in 1881 in England and trained as a cobbler. At the age of 14 in 1895, he was a member of the local harriers – “harriers” was another name for cross-country runners. Joe started working in his bedroom above his father’s sweetshop in Bolton, England, designing some of the earliest spiked running shoes.
Joe founded his shoe business, J.W. Foster, in 1900. Eventually his sons joined him, he changed the company name to J.W. Foster and Sons…
…and they gradually became famous among athletes for their “running pumps,” pioneering the use of spikes:
Foster’s shoes were made famous by 100m Olympic champion Harold Abrahams (pictured) in the 1924 Summer Olympics held in Paris. (Abrahams would later be immortalized in the 1981 Oscar-winning film Chariots of Fire.)
In 1958, in Bolton, two of the founder’s grandsons, Joe and Jeff Foster, formed a companion company, “Reebok,” having found the name in a South African dictionary won in a running race – by Joe Foster as a boy.
They chose the name because of the rhebok’s ability to expertly move in its natural habitat – mountainous terrain – sometimes at speeds up to 37mph.
And while I doubt that today’s celebrities who wear Reeboks are doing much running around in mountainous terrain…
And I doubt that they know the connection between rhebok and Reebok…
Now I do, and so do you.
And someday, when the pandemic is over and armed with this new knowledge, we’ll wow ‘em at work with the story of rhebok and Reebok and…
We’ve been in the pandemic for over a year, and it’s been horrible.
I have a sneaking suspicion that – for some – the pandemic may become a very easy excuse.
“We’re out of that because I screwed up and forgot to order it” replaced by, “We’re out of that because of the pandemic.”
And when we hear, “…because of the pandemic,” we’ve become accustomed to nodding and accepting the explanation.
Here’s another one:
“We can’t do that for at least three weeks because we’re working from home and I’d rather play Minecraft” replaced by, “We can’t do that for at least three weeks because we’re working from home due to the pandemic.”
Seriously – here’s what I expect future conversations to sound like:
Customer: I’m calling to see if my order has been processed? Customer service person: Processing orders has been delayed due to the pandemic. Customer: Ma’am, the pandemic was declared officially over in 2022. This is 2024. Customer service person: Processing orders has been delayed due to the pandemic.
Case in point – the California DMV, which I consider the Asshole of California.
Though the California Employment Development Department (EDD) is a serious contender for that title:
But based on recent and ongoing experience, I think the DMV has a solid hold on “Asshole.”
Here’s how they started out handling the pandemic, in April 2020:
So to “put their best foot forward,” as the DMV says on their website, someone came up with the idea of a virtual assistant named “Miles.”
I needed help from the DMV, and after many calls and copious amounts of time on hold but never actually talking to someone, I was desperate.
I decided to try their online options, “Ask DMV”:
This is where I met “Miles.”
Miles is a “chatbot,” the definition of which is, “bots that simulate human conversation by responding to certain phrases with programmed responses”:
Of course, none of the selections offered were relevant to my issue – a possibility that clearly never occurred to the DMV chatbot makers – so I typed in my question, as Miles suggested.
That flummoxed Miles:
I clicked “Chat with an Agent” and got this:
Progress: I now had a case number!
But after a lengthy wait, up popped another message, above – no agents were available. And it was my fault, because I “didn’t respond to the agent.”
Who hadn’t responded to me.
I took a few days’ break, then I went on the DMV website to see what was happening with my case. I typed in my case number and got this:
Whaddaya mean, “The case was not found”???????
Ask Miles, damnit!
Still desperate – obviously – I decided once again to call the DMV.
To my astonishment, this time around I was offered the option of leaving my number for a callback, and I did.
About two hours later a human from the DMV called!
His name was George!
I told George I was following up on paperwork I’d mailed on March 2 – six weeks earlier. And without bothering to ask me anything else – not even my name – his excuse was immediate, and creative:
“Due to the pandemic and the Post Office, everything at DMV is delayed.”
See? Creative! Why let the DMV shoulder all the blame, when you can blame the Post Office as well?
Yes, we’re all aware that the Post Office is having problems:
But, c’mon. If you’re going to blame the Post Office for stuff being delayed, why not also include that long traffic signal that made you late for work, and that guy at McDonalds at lunchtime who forgot to ask if you wanted fries with that, and you had to circle around and get in line again to get them?
I asked George if he could verify that the DMV had at least received my paperwork. Now he did ask my name, and after a very lengthy wait he said, “Yes, we received that on March 27.”
I’d mailed my paperwork on March 2.
I’m in San Diego, and the DMV is in Sacramento, about a 500-mile journey:
George is telling me that it took the Post Office 25 days for my paperwork to go from San Diego to Sacramento?
I could walk from San Diego to Sacramento in less than 25 days, and I’m no speed walker.
That received-on-March-27 date isn’t when the DMV received my paperwork. It’s when some slouch at the DMV got around to bothering to open it and start processing it.
While I was digesting this information, George again said,
“Due to the pandemic and the Post Office, everything at DMV is delayed.”
I asked if he could estimate about when my paperwork might get some results. His response was,
“Due to the pandemic and the Post Office, everything at DMV is delayed.”
(Yes, he’d now said this three times.)
Then after a pause he added, “In six to eight weeks.”
That’s not six to eight weeks from the day I mailed the paperwork – it’s six to eight weeks from March 27, the day George says the DMV received it.
I’m imagining George and a group of his colleagues at the DMV Charm School, getting their monthly Customer Service Sensitivity Training:
Instructor: Listen up, people! We’re expanding DMV Excuse #678. It’s now Excuse #678 R-1, and I want everyone to repeat after me: Due to the pandemic…”
(The class repeats this.)
Instructor: …and the Post Office…
(The class repeats this.)
Instructor: …everything at DMV is delayed.
(The class repeats this.)
Instructor: Good! Now, everyone, let’s say the entire Excuse #678 R-1!
(The class does – they’ve got this one nailed!)
“Asshole of California,” definitely.
I’ll close with another imaginary conversation.
The year is 2023:
Child: My Grandpa’s too sick to come to the phone, so I’m calling about the paperwork he mailed to you. DMV: When did he mail it? Child: Well, I’m 17, and he mailed it before I was born. DMV: Due to the pandemic…
Very early on this past Tuesday morning, when I was sound asleep…
Something woke me up.
My bedroom has a sliding glass door and screen door, and faces our backyard.
It was dark, but there was enough ambient light to clearly see:
A person standing on the other side of the sliding door.
My heart started pounding.
Otherwise, I was so stunned, I just laid there at looked at him. Or her.
Dark tights, rather than pants or jeans.
The person had something in their hand, and appeared to be trying to open the screen door.
It’s the middle of the night, and there’s a person five feet away from me, trying to break into our house.
It was unreal.
After a few seconds, my blank mind unfroze a bit.
I kept my eyes on the intruder as I started slowly edging toward the nightstand, to reach for the phone.
I glanced over to see how far away I was from the phone. When I looked back toward the sliding door, the intruder was gone.
Pounding heart. Tight throat, so tight I know I couldn’t have screamed.
I woke up my husband, and we called 911.
We pulled on our bathrobes and turned on the lights – inside, outside, many lights.
I was still stunned. Add to that shock, fear, horror and yes, anger.
Someone had just tried to break into our home.
The police arrived quickly, drenching our house with flashing red and blue lights. Two flashlights swept across our property and the surrounding area.
I made coffee, and my hands shook a bit as I drank it.
One of the officers asked us some questions – could I identify the person? No, I couldn’t see their face. Could I describe the person’s clothes? I did. Height and weight? Average and average. He gave us a card. The officer’s name was on one side, and the case number written on it on the back.
We’d become a case number, and that case had a one-word, handwritten description:
We’d had a prowler.
Prowler: a person who moves stealthily around or loiters near a place with a view to committing a crime, especially burglary.
Or perhaps more than one prowler.
We discovered that the prowler outside the bedroom had opened the screen door about three inches. We have another sliding door in our family room, and that screen was open about two inches.
We knew we hadn’t left the screen doors open.
Were there two prowlers? More?
What would he or she or they have done if they’d gotten into our house?
Grabbed a purse and wallet and run?
Asked us for jewelry or drugs or…what? And when we said, “We don’t have any jewelry or drugs,” would they have believed us?
Did they have weapons?
I’ve got a vivid imagination, and it’s been running full-time since around 12:30am Tuesday morning.
And I’ve been doing some research, as well.
Said one website,
According to the FBI statistics, a burglar strikes every 30 seconds in the U.S. That adds up to two burglaries every minute and almost 3,000 burglaries per day.
We get into a fine distinction here.
Burglary: Entry into a building illegally with intent to commit a crime, especially theft.
A burglary is when the person actually gets into the building illegally.
I couldn’t find statistics on attempts to enter a building illegally.
We didn’t have a burglar, we had a prowler.
And I know that makes us damn lucky.
She or he or they didn’t enter our house that night.
But I’m still damn mad, and sad.
Mad, because though our home wasn’t entered, it was still an invasion. They chose our house. Had they been watching us, prior to that night? Making a note of our usual bedtime, and the best places to break in?
Mad, because I feel victimized, and we were victimized, and I hate that.
Sad, because I’ve never felt unsafe in my home, and now I do. My home, my sanctuary, my favorite place.
Still favorite, but no longer safe.
I know that makes me naïve, when you consider how often home break-ins, or attempted break-ins, happen.
When you consider that there are almost 80,000 security alarm services business in the U.S., with revenues of $27 billion annually – a thriving industry.
When you consider that there’s nothing special about us, and why would be exempt?
So instead of my wondering “Why us?” I should accept, “Why not us?”
We know the prowler or prowlers will never be caught.
We know we’ll never get answers to our who and why questions.
We know we’ve simply become another statistic.
We know this has changed us forever.
And I hate that this happened.
We let our neighbors know about the prowler, and we’re taking the steps to make our home more secure.
This does not include buying a gun, but oh…I better understand why many people do.
I’ve moved the bedside phone so it’s now within immediate reach.
We count ourselves lucky, and know this could have been much, much worse.
And eventually, someday, the memory of that person in the dark hoodie and tights, standing five feet away from me, trying to break into my home…
She was Alice Roosevelt (1884-1980), oldest child of Theodore Roosevelt and his first wife Alice.
She’s the focus of Stephanie Marie Thornton’s American Princess.
There were already of number of books about Alice – her memoir Crowded Hours, biographies, and she always appears in Roosevelt family sagas along with her famous father, even more famous cousin, Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
But, says Thornton in her Author’s Note,
“I was shocked – and more than a little delighted – to discover that no one had novelized Alice’s story.”
So Thornton did, and her book is easy to read, and the history aspect held my interest. It’s written in the first person, so we learn what Alice is thinking as well as what she’s doing. That helps in understanding why she did what she did.
Such as smoking cigarettes in public, riding in cars with men, staying out late partying, keeping a pet snake in the White House named Emily Spinach, and placing bets with a bookie.
That seems silly now, but it was shocking in the early 20th century.
I came to think of her as “Anything-For-Attention Alice.”
And I found her hard to like.
True, she had a rotten start in life. Two days after her birth, in the same house, her mother died of undiagnosed kidney failure. Eleven hours earlier that day, Roosevelt’s mother had also died, of typhoid fever.
Distraught, Roosevelt unloaded Alice on his sister Anne, and headed west, where he spent two years traveling and living on his ranch in North Dakota. Alice was raised by her aunt until Roosevelt remarried in 1886, to Edith Carrow.
Any attention Alice might have been getting from her father and new stepmother was soon divided when Alice’s half-siblings started arriving a year later – and divided even more in 1889, 1891, 1894 and 1897 as babies kept arriving.
Thornton’s Alice says,
“As always, I tried not to let it bother me that all my younger half-siblings were granted whatever pets and toys they set their hearts on, further evidence that I would forever be other when it came to our family.”
So to feel less other – and to get the attention she craved – Alice pushed the behavior boundaries.
And she never stopped.
Theodore Roosevelt became our 26th president in 1901 following the assassination of President William McKinley, and Alice thrived on the attention she received from being the “first daughter.” Soon the press – and she was, by choice, in news a lot – began referring to her as our “American Princess.”
Alice says, rather smugly,
“There was no denying that I was the second most popular Roosevelt in the world.”
When Alice’s debut takes place in the White House with 600 of her closest friends, she’s elated – all the attention is on her. Says Alice,
“I’d become the talk of Washington by becoming the most successful, witty, and lively debutante of the season.”
Alice can get rather wearying after awhile.
She is credited with being witty, saying things like, “If you can’t say anything good about someone, sit right here by me.” And some (in my opinion) very narcissistic things: “I pray for a fortune. I care for nothing except to amuse myself in a charmingly expensive way.”
And Alice could also be cruel. When her cousin (and Democrat) Franklin was running again for president in 1940, Alice – a Republican, just like Daddy – said publicly, “I’d rather vote for Hitler than vote for Franklin for a third term.”
American Princess is – like Alice’s life – full of high drama, much of it created by Alice.
It’s short for Eveleth, which is a pretty rotten name, considering her mother – who abandoned Evvie when she was 10 – gave it to her because Mom was miserable in her small-town Maine home, and pined for the dreams she’d once had in her hometown of Eveleth, Minnesota.
“I am named after my mother’s unhappiness,” says Evvie.
Meet Dean Tenney, a big-time major league pitcher until suddenly – he couldn’t pitch anymore. The fans and sports writers who cheered him one day now consider him the personification of “failure.”
Dean needs a low-profile place to figure out what’s next.
Meet Linda Holmes, author of Evvie and Dean’s story, Evvie Drake Starts Over.
I was first intrigued by Holmes because she’s on National Public Radio – NPR – a station I listen to a lot and greatly respect. When I learned she’d written her first book, I wanted to know more. Evvie came out in late June 2019 and hit The New York Times best seller list on July 13 – pretty impressive for a first-time author!
There’s a third character, Andy, a mutual friend of both Evvie and Dean, though they’ve never met. Andy knows that Dean is looking for a place to lick his wounds, and that widowed Evvie has a small apartment at the back of her house. It’s obvious where this is going, and that’s OK.
I found Dean easy to like – he’s smart, sensitive, and really suffering from losing the career he loved and now appears to have lost. And he’s tried everything to fix it; he tells Andy, “I went to eight sports psychologists and two psychiatrists…I did acupuncture, acupressure, suction cups on my shoulder, and candles in my fucking ears…I quit gluten, I quit sugar, I quit sex, I had extra sex, I ate no meat, just meat…”
The list went on, and my heart went out to him.
But Evvie – sometimes not so easy to like. She could be funny, but also do some major Pity Party. She has a lot of baggage and knows it – “Baggage. So goddamn much. I should have my own cargo plane” – but can’t acknowledge that she needs professional help.
Until, toward the end, a friend says, “Your head is the house you live in, so you have to do the maintenance.”
I started out liking Evvie, but then I got annoyed, then exasperated, then back to liking her, then I got pissed at her, and then…
Yup – twice. The good kind.
So I’d have to say that the author did a good job of keeping me engaged in her story.
I did have trouble liking Evvie at times, but I had no trouble liking Evvie. It’s well-written, easy to read, a good story with complex characters that I cared about all the way through.
Evvie is Holmes’ first novel – and I hope, not her last.
The pandemic has been and is a lot of tragic, terrible things.
It’s also something very ordinary:
And if you’re not a person accustomed to entertaining yourself, it can be very boring indeed.
Without labeling all teens as such, I suspect that many aren’t adept at entertaining themselves.
That’s why articles abound on the internet, like this one:
Though how teens can get bored when they have, on their phones at their fingertips, endless access to Snapchat, Tik Tok, Instagram, WhatsApp, Kik, Telegram and more to search, and share, and star in their own lives…
Apparently some teens still do get bored.
Bored is the only reason I can think of for a 13-year-old to take her mother’s SUV – without permission – pick up a friend, and head out for a joyride sometime after 11pm on February 12.
And if she wasn’t bored, then what was she thinking?
According to this article from American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry:
Thinking – that is, thinking logically – isn’t something teens generally excel at:
Many parents do not understand why their teenagers occasionally behave in an impulsive, irrational, or dangerous way. At times, it seems like teens don’t think things through or fully consider the consequences of their actions. Adolescents differ from adults in the way they behave, solve problems, and make decisions. There is a biological explanation for this difference. Studies have shown that brains continue to mature and develop throughout childhood and adolescence and well into early adulthood.
Scientists have identified a specific region of the brain called the amygdala that is responsible for immediate reactions including fear and aggressive behavior. This region develops early. However, the frontal cortex, the area of the brain that controls reasoning and helps us think before we act, develops later. This part of the brain is still changing and maturing well into adulthood.
The article goes on to say,
Pictures of the brain in action show that adolescents’ brains work differently than adults when they make decisions or solve problems. Their actions are guided more by the emotional and reactive amygdala and less by the thoughtful, logical frontal cortex.
When it comes to making good decisions, teens are at a distinct disadvantage.
As was the 13-year-old driver.
She isn’t named in the news stories, so I’ll call her X.
Shortly before 11:30pm, X’s joyride was interrupted when she was pulled over in Escondido, about 30 miles north of San Diego, for a traffic violation.
If you’ve ever been pulled over by the police – and I have – it’s an unnerving situation.
Those flashing red-and-blue lights in your rearview mirror…the knowledge that you must have screwed up, even if you don’t yet know how…or maybe you know exactly how…but either way, as that police officer approaches, you know you’re in Big Trouble.
The news stories don’t detail what traffic violation the was, and it probably doesn’t matter.
What matters is that X didn’t sit meekly in her driver’s seat, awaiting her reckoning, like most of us do.
Instead, as the Escondido police officer approached the SUV, X allegedly sped off.
That lasted for six blocks, then she lost control of the vehicle, and careened off the roadway:
Two homeless men were laying in a patch of shrubbery next to a concrete-block wall.
The SUV slammed into both men…
Both teens then allegedly got out of the damaged vehicle and made a failed attempt to escape on foot.
One man died at the scene, and one died later in the hospital.
The men were Mateo Salvador, 33, and 51-year-old Sofio Sotelo Torres.
The girls weren’t injured, but the two men were dead.
After being caught and questioned by police, X and her friend were released to the custody of their families pending completion of investigations.
Weeks passed, and I couldn’t help but wonder what was going through X’s mind. Was she upset? Remorseful? Ashamed? Or perhaps just regretting that her little joyride may have gotten her into some serious trouble?
On March 24, X was jailed on suspicion of vehicular manslaughter, felony hit-and-run and evading arrest. She was booked into Juvenile Hall in San Diego:
Her passenger wasn’t facing charges or mentioned in the police department’s statement.
If the case moves forward, according to CBS 8 TV,
“It means she will have proceedings in juvenile court which is closed to the general public, before a judge only. Meaning she won’t have a jury trial and her identity will remain sealed,” said San Diego defense attorney Gene Iredale, who is not representing the teen.
If convicted, the maximum sentence for the teen would be juvenile detention until her 21st birthday.
“Her parents could also face consequences, but not in criminal court. The parents, assuming the girl stole the car without their knowledge, are not criminally liable for anything. There may be civil liability on behalf of the parents.”
On March 26, X pleaded not guilty:
Our law says a 13-year-old is not an adult.
X took on the responsibility of an adult when she decided to drive a vehicle.
X took on the responsibility of an adult when she invited a friend to join her in the vehicle, taking on the responsibility for the friend’s safety.
X behaved like an adult when she realized the police were telling her to pull over – she pulled over.
X behaved like some adults, fleeing in the vehicle from officers.
X behaved like some adults when she lost control of the vehicle.
X behaved like some adults when she fled the crash scene on foot.
X behaved like an adult, but our law says she must be considered a child.
Am I disagreeing? Am I suggesting that X should spend a long time, perhaps the rest of her life, in prison?
I don’t know.
What I do know is that two men are dead, and even if X gets the maximum sentence, she’ll walk out of juvenile detention a free person at age 21, records sealed.
Is this a not-very-interesting novel about an interesting subject, or a not-very-interesting novel about a not-very-interesting subject?
The author is Kerri Maher, the book is The Girl in White Gloves, and the subject is film actress Grace Kelly (1929-1982).
And since Grace Kelly is the subject of more than 30 books, two biopics, and countless print and online articles – and the fascination with her continues to this day – I’m going with the former:
A not-very-interesting novel about an interesting subject.
Worse: Not only a not-very-interesting novel, Maher managed to make Grace Kelly boring.
Kelly was many things, some rather sad, but she was not boring.
Kelly was an A-List award-winning actress who began performing in 1950, and appeared in theatrical productions, more than 40 episodes of live TV drama productions, and 11 movies, one of which – The Country Girl in 1955 – earned her an Oscar.
She appeared in movies with some high-profile leading men: Cary Grant, Clark Gable, Jimmy Stewart, Ray Milland, Bing Crosby, Alec Guinness and William Holden.
She had a number of lovers – high-profile and otherwise – before marrying Prince Rainier of Monaco in 1956 and becoming Her Serene Highness, Princess Grace. Their wedding was estimated to have been watched by over 30 million viewers on live television
She and Rainier raised three children, and she established herself as a gifted philanthropist and humanitarian, dedicating her public life to charities and fundraising.
Yet…somehow, Maher managed to make Kelly boring.
And make the book confusing. One problem I had was the time period switches: The book starts out in 1955 and jumps as follows: 1969, 1949, 1951, 1974, 1952, 1954, 1975, 1955, 1956, 1976, 1960, 1962, 1964, 1978, 1981, and then 1982 with Kelly’s death following a car crash.
I’ll admit I tend to be a linear person, but that has to be too many jumps for even the least linear.
Another issue I had was the author giving us a situation, but giving no reason for it. For example, Maher tells us that after their marriage, Rainier banned all of Grace’s movies in Monaco – yet she doesn’t tell us why.
Rainier’s initial attraction to Kelly was the fact that she was a movie star, and then he bans her movies?
I realize the book is a novel, not a biography, but I thought that, and other unanswered questions, left gaps that needed to be filled.
There are other novels out there about Grace Kelly, though I haven’t read them so can’t recommend them, but only for that reason.
I can’t recommend The Girl in White Gloves, either.
Grace, glammed-down in “The Country Girl,” and glammed-up to collect the Oscar she won for it (with co-star William Holden).
When I’ve been in Asian restaurants (pre-pandemic, of course) and seen people using chopsticks with great dexterity…
I confess to more than a twinge of envy.
I have never managed to master chopsticks.
When I try to use them I’m as likely to get a chopstick in my nose as any food in my mouth.
I do just fine with a fork, but chopsticks…not so much.
Chopsticks have been around for a long time.
Forks…not so much.
Estimates place the use of chopsticks as eating utensils at around 5,000 years ago in China, and spreading to Japan, Vietnam and Korea by 500 AD.
Forks were in use for eating by the fourth century in the Eastern Roman Empire, but didn’t become common in Europe – specifically, Italy – until the 14th century.
And then a forking scandal ensued. “Shocking!” exclaimed some. “Unmanly,” sneered others. And the Catholic Church disapproved of forks, seeing it as “excessive delicacy.”
Most of Europe didn’t adopt the fork until the 1700s, which begs the question:
Without forks, how did medieval Europeans transfer the food from their plates – to their mouths?
Very sharp knives.
The process was simple: Poke, tear, stab or spear a piece of food from the plate with your knife, transfer the food to your mouth. Chew, swallow, repeat.
I probably would have sliced my nose trying to get the food in my mouth.
When you were a guest in someone’s home, you did a BYO – bring your own knife. Then, if you were attacked by a ne’er-do-well on your way home, you’d use the same knife to defend yourself.
As I said – sharp.
As I said – slice my nose.
So – in terms of table utensils, at least – I’m glad I don’t live in the Middle Ages.
I’ll stick to my trusty fork, yes, even in Chinese (or Japanese, Korean or Vietnamese) restaurants. I’ll be the one mumbling to the waitperson, “Can I have a fork, please?” while my fellow diners display their “Why did we invite her?” looks.
Better that, than a chopstick in my nose.
Today there are many types of forks – in one article I counted 35, including one for ice cream.
Then there’s perhaps the most famous fork of all, thanks to Yogi Berra, who famously said:
One of the things I enjoy most about blogging is the opportunity it presents to enjoy the absurd.
I love funny stuff, but I love the absurd even more.
You know – those human behaviors that make you pause and say…
“Is this the truth?” you wonder, “or is someone making this up?”
Usually, it’s the truth.
That’s the beauty of the absurd.
One blog I posted about the absurd was June 2018, when the United States Postal Service (USPS) came up with the brilliant idea of selling scratch-and-sniff stamps:
The postal service, which has been in financial trouble since Ben Franklin founded it in 1775, apparently decided that scratch-and-sniff stamps would help turn things around.
USPS predicted – incorrectly, it turned out – that hordes of us would welcome the opportunity to scratch and sniff something that had been mangled in machines, spilled on floors, and touched by how many who-knows-where-those-hands-have-been.
Then there was the very first post I did, back in May 2017:
I talked about how I hated having houseguests, how most people hate having houseguests, but that we do it anyway.
I recounted several houseguest experiences, including the time my friend and her husband came to stay for just one night.
One night – that was doable, right?
After a nice day together, we all turned in. Then, when I was almost asleep, I heard a noise from the bedroom next door that was instantly recognizable though almost indescribable. It was female, it was loud, and it began with “oh, oh,” followed by, in an equally loud male voice, “oh, god,” followed by a duet: “god, oh, oh,” followed by – well, you get it.
But never was the absurd easier to find than after Trump and his parasitic family moved into the White House.
The absurdity was non-stop, and for absolute absurdity, no one could beat Melania Trump.
March 2020: Our country had started its miserable slide down into the pandemic. Was Melania focused on where our country was headed, and what she could do to alleviate the suffering?
She was focused on this:
Building a tennis pavilion at the White House.
So I love the absurd, but – sadly – over the past year I’ve realized that my enjoyment of the absurd had gotten…frayed around the edges.
My enjoyment of life in general had gotten frayed around the edges.
A daily increasing pandemic death toll will do that.
Oh, I had it better than most, and I knew it. I hadn’t lost anyone I loved, I didn’t know anyone who’d been infected, and if I hated wearing a face mask, well – just suck it up and do it.
Recently, writer Michelle Goldberg in the New York Times summed up her – and my – situation perfectly:
“Knowing how little I’d lost compared to others didn’t lessen my misery, it just added a slimy coating shame to it.”
So here I was, wondering if I’d ever find anything absurd again. Wondering if I’d ever again have another one of those “What. What?” moments.
Salvation came on March 24, with this big announcement:
Who? I thought.
Who the hell is Chrissy Teigen?
And who cares if she deleted her Twitter account?
Well, if the Associated Press (AP) – a respected, credible media outlet – considered her newsworthy…
Perhaps I was onto something.
It turns out that Teigen, 36, is “an American model, television personality, author, and entrepreneur.”
Which is another way of saying she doesn’t really do anything, but is, instead, famous – for being famous.
She has – had – 13.7 million followers on Twitter, who apparently couldn’t wait to lap up pearls of wisdom like this:
“john” being her husband, singer John Legend.
The couple have two children, one of whom appears in this image with Teigen, which Tiegen posted:
In addition to posing for photos with her son, Teigen noted another activity the two share:
“Wait til the find out we take baths together.”
I think she meant till rather than til, and they find out, but who am I to question such eloquence?
Teigen’s eloquence was again on display in this treasure:
Teigen’s husband had been invited to perform at President Biden’s inauguration, and Chrissy accompanied him, taking note of the “literal fucking heroes” i.e., National Guard members.
Brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it?
My search to find out who Chrissy Teigen was didn’t uncover any Nobel Prizes, Pulitzer Prizes or even door prizes, but it did lead to my discovering these important items on her website:
If you, like me, have been craving some basic b*tch hair thingies – problem solved.
And her 13.7 million former Twitter followers? If these examples are anything to go by, they are bereft:
So all this explains the attention paid to Teigen in the national and international news – in addition to the Associated Press, I found her dumping-Twitter story on CNN, the Los Angeles Times, the Washington Post, Variety, People, the Chicago Tribune, Newsweek, ABC, CBC…
And Glamour, which boasts “1115 Stories about Chrissy Teigen”:
I, and I’m certain that you, want to know in which public places Teigen and her husband have had sex. Ms. Eloquence said:
“One time, at the Grammys, I said that we had sex at ‘that Obama thing,’ and that came out wrong. Because what I actually meant was…it wasn’t with them or near them…I believe it was at the DNC, actually.”
The story goes on to say,
Teigen also said she and Legend have done it at the Los Angeles boutiques Ron Herman and Fred Segal (“right in front of the juice bar”). They’ve had sex on a plane too – and not a private jet.
As for the burning question, Why, oh why did Teigen close her Twitter account? According to the Washington Post,
Her departure from Twitter came on the heels of her announcing her partnership with Kris Jenner to create a line of plant-based cleaning products, which drew criticism online.
Apparently some people were trolling Teigen and Jenner, like this example:
“Seems pretty tone deaf. Two wealthy women with housekeeping staff, marketing cleaning products to the middle class in the midst of a pandemic.”
Apparently this isn’t the first time Teigen was trolled.
Teigen’s last tweet included this:
“But it’s time for me to say goodbye. This no longer serves me as positively as it serves me negatively, and I think that’s the right time to call something.”
Teigen didn’t specify what “something” it was the right time to call, but…a mere bagatelle.
So…those 13.7 million former Teigen Twitter followers are sad. They miss this epitome of eloquence, this model of motherhood, this…this…
Let’s leave the monikers to Glamour, which said it best:
Chrissy Teigen is a national treasure – this is not up for debate.
Nothing will ever replace the pleasure of holding a book in my hands.
No eReader or whatever other technology comes along next week will ever replace the tactile experience of holding a book and turning the pages, while I’m immersed in the world captured between a book’s hard or soft covers.
I know eReaders have their upside, and I’m not saying I’ll never use one.
But having a book in my hands – no eReader can compete with that.
I love books. All books.
That doesn’t mean I read all books, or love all the books I read. But books have been my constant companions since I was a kid, and I mean the walk-into-the-library-and-take-a-book-off-the-shelf kind of book.
And speaking of library books…
This is directed toward the – sadly – many people who, for reasons I can’t comprehend, deface library books.
You deface them with pen, pencil and/or highlighters. You dog-ear corners and/or tear out a page, or pages. You bend and then break the spines.
Then you return the book to the library. Sometimes a book is so damaged that library staff must remove it from circulation and, hopefully, have the budget to replace it.
Otherwise, staff will make an effort to ameliorate the damage, and return the book to circulation.
The latter is the case with this library book, Potshot by Robert B. Parker:
When I first picked up the book, I glanced at a mark on the cover and thought it was part of the design – the title is Potshot, it’s a detective story, and there’s what looks like a gunshot hole as part of the cover image.
But I immediately realized – no. That mark was not part of the cover design.
The mark was…a cigarette burn:
What angry or frustrated or I-don’t-know-what-kind-of person would deliberately press a cigarette into the cover of a book and burn a hole in it?
Was it the same person who did this to the book:
Or did several sick, sad people contribute to the book’s sad state?
This is far from the first damaged library book I’ve seen, but by far, it’s the most egregious.
A cigarette burn?
So here’s my message to you book damagers:
The book you’re holding is an inanimate object. It has nothing to do with the rage or frustration or whatever it is you’re feeling.
The book you’re holding doesn’t belong to you. It belongs to the taxpayers whose hard-earned dollars support the library.
The book you’re holding – and damaging – isn’t conveying your message to its subsequent readers. All it’s conveying is that a sick person – you – was allowed to get a library card, and has abused the privilege.
Stop taking your problems out on our library books.
Unless you’re expecting an income tax refund or an Economic Impact Payment (EIP), an envelope from the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) is not something you want to see in your mailbox.
Maybe you did your own taxes and made a mistake. Maybe someone else did your taxes and they made a mistake.
Or maybe you’re a criminal, and…
So it was with great trepidation that I opened the envelope from the IRS. I could feel the tension knotting up my shoulders. My vision got a bit blurry. My heart was pounding.
And I didn’t think even I’d done anything wrong!
I started to read.
The letter turned out to be not only innocuous, but helpful. The topic was the second EIP, and what to do in case I hadn’t received it yet. The suggestions included the “Get My Payment” option on the IRS website; the “Where’s My EIP” app on my smart phone; and a toll-free number to call.
The letter also offered this helpful information:
“Remember, the IRS won’t call or otherwise contact you asking for personal or bank account information…”
I guess the scammers who left us a message the other morning weren’t familiar with the IRS’ policy.
At 8:30am – 8:30am!!! – the scammers left this voicemail:
“Due to some suspicious activities related to your Social Security number, we are forced to suspend your Social Security number with immediate effect. In case you feel this is an error, you may connect to the legal department of Social Security Administration. In order to connect with Social Security Administration officer, press one. In case we do not hear from you, your Social will be blocked permanently. To connect now, press one, and you will be automatically connected to the concerned department.”
The male voice was heavily accented, and the script writer won’t win any Pulitzer Prizes.
But that’s not why we didn’t “press one.”
We didn’t “press one” because we know that doing so would connect me to someone who wanted my personal information or money – or both.
According to this IRS Tax Tip about this specific scam:
There are all sorts of warnings about scammers out there, from the IRS, the Federal Trade Commission, the FBI and others. We hear the warnings, we read the warnings and then somehow, sometimes, when that scammer calls there’s a disconnect in our brains and…
These billion-dollar statistics say it better than I ever could:
In the U.S., money lost in phone scams almost doubled from 2019 to 2020.
People that get sucked in by telephone scammers aren’t stupid. But scammers are masters of intimidating people, scaring people, or in this case, romancing people:
These women went looking for love in all the wrong places, and the scammer found them. According to the article,
“Kofi Osei, a native of Ghana who lives in Randolph, Massachusetts, used fake names on dating sites and opened bank accounts using passports with aliases, according to court documents. When the women transferred money to those accounts, he quickly withdrew it, converted it to cashier’s checks, and used it to buy cars at auction and for other personal expenses, prosecutors said.”
What’s it all mean?
It’s means we’re all susceptible, myself included.
And if you love them, don’t bother to read anymore.
I’ve long thought that fireworks were much ado about nothing.
You get in your car, possibly with young children (because teens are way to cool for this), and drive to the fireworks show in bumper-to-bumper traffic with all the other people who love – or pretend to love – fireworks.
Then you watch the fireworks.
Then you get back in your car, the kids up way past their bedtime and cranky, and sit in bumper-to-bumper traffic with all the other people who love – or pretend to love – fireworks.
In the car, the kids have already forgotten about the fireworks. By morning, you will have, too.
Here in California, fireworks are an especially bad idea because of our ongoing drought conditions:
Which is one of the reasons why, in California, fireworks are illegal in many places.
One of those places is Ontario, about 35 miles east of Los Angeles. If you’re a resident of Ontario and you’re not sure about the legality of fireworks, you can easily find out, just as I did:
I suspect that the people associated with a home in the 400 block of West Francis Street knew this.
But that didn’t stop them from stockpiling a massive amount of illegal fireworks.
Which led to a massive explosion on March 16, just after 12:30pm:
Two known deaths.
Three people injured.
The home destroyed.
The blasts rained down debris – including ammunition and large nails – over 80 properties, and windows were blown out in homes blocks away:
At least $3.2 million worth of damage, officials said Friday.
Evacuations of more than 100 displaced residents – 24 families – in the surrounding neighborhood that will remain in place for days, while the fire department’s bomb technicians work with the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) to dispose of unexploded fireworks at the scene of the explosion.
“Approximately 60 27-gallon boxes or cases of unexploded fireworks at this point,” Ontario Fire Department Chief Ray Gayk said on Wednesday.
Gayk also said 24 bomb technicians from three counties have been called in to assist in the process.
The FBI is involved, and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF).
Imagine yourself in one of the nearby houses. It’s lunchtime, nothing much going on. Suddenly, a massive explosion. Another explosion. Was it a plane crash? A gas pipeline? A terrorist attack? Your kids are terrified. You’re terrified. What should you do? What can you do?
Imagine looking out your window and seeing this:
Eventually, a police officer arrives at your door, briefly explains the situation, and tells you that you must evacuate. No, she or he doesn’t know for how long. But you must go, now.
Where will you go?
Now let’s tally up just some of the costs to the taxpayers: Police, fire department, those 24 bomb technicians, the EPA, the FBI, and the ATF.
Every one of these public servants endangering their lives, working in an area littered with unexploded fireworks.
These are people with critical jobs, people who could be needed elsewhere, but instead are involved in this tragedy.
We may never know why the stockpile of fireworks in the house on West Francis Street exploded.
Or why the people associated with this were stockpiling fireworks.
I suspect they anticipated selling the merchandise prior to July 4.
Because so many people, for reasons that escape me, just have to get their firework fix.
I’m betting the police, fire department, those 24 bomb technicians, the EPA, the FBI, and the ATF aren’t fans of fireworks.
Review, short version: More skunks than I have room for.
Review, long version:
A long-time friend and I are avid readers, and while we often talk about books, we have very different preferences in what we read.
Occasionally we’ll both read the same book and invariably, we’ll agree to disagree on the book’s merits – or lack of – and move on.
So when my friend emailed and said,
“I just finished Anne Tyler’s Clock Dance, and it was very good. I think you’d like it.”
I thought it was a daring statement on her part. I decided to give Clock Dance a try.
I hated it.
This was my first experience reading Anne Tyler, though she’s published more than 20 novels. Her genre is described as “literary realism,” and while her website is skimpy on information, it does mention that she won a Pulitzer Prize for a novel in 1989.
Her website also lists numerous excerpts from glowing reviews of Clock Dance that include language such as,
Before I gave up about half-way through the book, I’d encountered none of these.
Tyler’s lead character is Willa, and we meet her at seminal moments in her life: in 1967 at age 11; in 1977; in 1997; and then in 2017, where it appears most of the story will be told.
By 2017 we’ve gotten a clear picture of Willa – a victim of her mother’s physical and emotional abuse, and her father’s enabling of it. A victim of her bully husband, dropping out of college at his insistence. The husband dies in 1997 and at some point Willa remarries, now becoming a victim of a man who infantilizes her – nicknaming her “Little One” and telling her that she, at age 61, is not capable of traveling on an airplane without him.
Willa has “VICTIM” written all over her, and I detest stories where women are – and remain – victims.
The destination Willa wants to fly to is Baltimore, and the reason is so convoluted, and so nonsensical, that it defies credibility. She gets a phone call from a stranger in Baltimore about a woman named Denise, who at one time was the live-in lover of Willa’s son Sean. Denise was shot in the leg and is in the hospital, and, says the stranger, Willa must come to Baltimore to take care of Denise’s nine-year-old daughter Cheryl.
Now, Denise is no longer living with Sean. And Cheryl is not Sean’s child. There is no blood tie between Willa and Cheryl, no connection of any kind. What does Willa decide?
She decides to fly to Baltimore to take care of Cheryl.
The only clue seems to be on page 114: Willa is hoping for grandchildren. Willa “longed for grandchildren.”
So Willa is going to Baltimore to take on the care of a stranger’s kid and – what? Pretend Cheryl is that longed-for grandchild?
Willa needs to get a life. Her own, and not someone else’s.
Willa meets the child, Cheryl, and it was Willa’s observations of her that turned my feelings about Clock Dance from dislike into loathing:
Page 122: “She [Cheryl] had a pudgy face and a keg-shaped tummy that strained her T-shirt, and her legs were so plump that the inseams of her shorts had worked their way up to her crotch.”
Page 129: “Cheryl had soft, tawny skin, unfortunately pouching a bit below her jaw…”
Page 136: “Cheryl was sitting against her headboard…She wore pink pajamas with cap sleeves that showed her upper arms, which were wide and soft and squishy like a grown woman’s arms.”
Clearly Tyler’s goal was to portray Cheryl as overweight and, therefore, unattractive.
I don’t call this “Delightfully zany…Charming…Tender.”
I call it body shaming, and I call it shameful.
Since I didn’t finish the book, I don’t know why Tyler titled it Clock Dance, and I don’t care.
I don’t know where the story goes, and I don’t care.
I don’t know if lead character Willa goes through some kind of metamorphosis, stops being a victim and stops body shaming Cheryl. And I don’t care.
But I’m rooting for Cheryl. Maybe she’ll grow up and become our first female president.
So it’s no surprise that I only recently became aware of a fashion trend that’s been around for awhile.
“Awhile” meaning since 1983.
And that trend’s longevity is understandable, when I show you what I’m talking about:
These well-known actresses obviously shop at the same garbage dump designer store.
Called “street couture,” I learned it goes back at least to 1983 because of this article in the Washington Post:
What Vogue “called street couture” was also known as “bag lady chic,” and it’s easy to find examples of that, as well:
In an indication of our heightened sensitivity, the term “bag lady” fell out of fashion, but the look did not:
We now call it “homeless chic,” and rest assured, it is not for women only:
Designer unknown; sleeping bag (on right), not included.
And lest you’re concerned that this stylin’ is only for the rich and famous or runway models, here are some shots of regular folks – yes, like you and me! – proving that we, too, can have this look:
But to avoid committing terrible fashion faux paus, I found an online article with tips for getting the max out of our new look. Written by someone named “Katy,” we can easily see her stylin’ sense; here’s her photo, along with her advice:
Nothing should be your size. If it is, you’re doing it wrong. The key to this look is wearing EVERYTHING oversized. That means you’re sizing up at least one to two sizes.
Your jeans should be baggy enough to fit a diaper in the crotch. Please don’t WEAR a diaper, but you catch my drift.
Structured shoes are a must. If you wear this look with something casual like tennis shoes, it will be bag lady in the WRONG way.
Don’t go too crazy on the jewelry. This look is all about the mass amount of clothing you’re wearing and if you try to layer a ton of big jewelry, you WILL look like you’re just wearing everything in your closet.
Now, armed with this wisdom, we’re ready to go homeless chic.
And just ignore the nasty naysayers who say stuff like:
It’s been so long since I’ve been in a restaurant, I’m not sure I’ll remember what to do.
Of course, I won’t be in a restaurant any time soon, since they’re still closed for indoor dining in most places.
Well, not in Texas, but I don’t live in Texas. I did for a short while, but fortunately left before I had any encounters with the creepy, scary, dangerous creatures that live there.
Like this eight-inch-long Texas Readheaded Centipede (left) and the equally creepy, scary, dangerous you-know-who (right).
But I digress.
Here’s what I envision when indoor dining is allowed again.
I walk into the restaurant and almost have a meltdown.
Walk into the restaurant? No drive-through, no curbside?
I flop into a chair at the nearest table, just like I do at home. Then I look down and notice I’m not wearing my usual raggedy gray sweats and slippers, and remember that I’m not at home. I’m wearing clothes I haven’t seen in ages, and they’re clean.
Or they’re fairly clean, because I dusted them off.
I straighten my posture, then look around the room.
There are people at other tables, and none of them are wearing masks.
I’m almost freaked out by the sight of so many uncovered noses and cheeks and chins, but I steady myself.
A pleasant person comes over, smiles, introduces himself, and hands me several pages with stuff printed on them.
I say, “Thanks, but I brought my own reading material,” and hand the pages back.
Puzzled, the pleasant person says, “You don’t want to look at the menu?”
Menu. Menu? The word sounds vaguely familiar. Menu.
Then the memory surfaces: Menu! That’s how you learn about the food, and the prices! You read the menu!
Chagrined, I take the menu back and lay it beside my plate as the pleasant person departs.
That’s when I notice some silvery items on either side of the plate. I recognize them – sort of – though I haven’t seen any for what seems like forever.
Those silvery items are…are… Wait. It will come to me.
Utensils! I have some at home, in a drawer that hasn’t been opened for what seems like forever.
McNuggets and Whoppers: No utensils needed.
I glance around, hoping no one has noticed my elation at remembering utensils, and spot items on some of the other tables that I do recognize.
I’ve had one in my hand pretty much non-stop since mid-March, 2020:
“What should I have for breakfast? Red or white?”
I begin perusing the menu, my eyes stumbling over the unfamiliar words:
But “Angel Hair Pomodoro…Salmon Picatta…Eggplant Parmigiana…Meat Lasagna…”
What’s with this foreign language? Do you have to be bilingual to eat here?
And what’s with all these choices? Why don’t they just offer one item, so I don’t get all flummoxed?
The pleasant person approaches my table and I panic. Is he going to ask me something I’m ill-equipped to answer?
He does. “What would you like to order?
“Um…” I say.
Then inspiration hits: “I’ll have a glass of wine.”
“Of course,” he smiles, pointing to the last page of the whatchacallit, menu. “Our wines by the glass are listed here.”
“Oh,” I groan. “You mean you have more than just red or white?”
I am so out of my depth, and his smile has faded into something like what you see in an emergency room, when the nurse behind the counter tells you, as she’s been telling you for the past six hours, “It will only be a few more minutes and the doctor will see you.”
I point to one of the wines by the glass, and he nods and turns away.
What am I going to order? What do I want to eat? I know for certain I’ve done this in the past – made a choice and ordered – but I’ve grown unused to making choices.
Especially since the choices are, “Stay home” or “Stay home.”
By the time the pleasant person has returned with my wine, something wonderful has happened.
I’ve remembered that some people who work in restaurants are waitpersons or waiters or waitresses. Three memories in one blinding flash!
But not a single memory of what I want to eat.
So I come up with this subterfuge:
I close the menu and say, “Everything looks so good! What would you recommend?”
The waiter looks – nonplussed? And my heart sinks. Was what I asked considered rude? Does the waiter think I’m quizzing him to test his knowledge and professionalism? Is he going to call someone over, to expel this miscreant from the premises?
Then he smiles, and my sinking heart starts to rise.
“Our most popular dish is the lasagna,” he says. “Would you like to try that?”
The days when you learned – usually the hard way – to always keep correct change in your purse or pocket.
Because if you had to go, and the only toilet around was a pay toilet and you didn’t have that nickel or dime or whatever…
And plenty of people were faced with this dilemma, so they found a workaround. This prompted the pay toilet proprietors to update their signs with warnings:
What diabolical sadist came up with the idea of having to pay – to pee?
This will not surprise you:
He was the head of the government, and he needed to raise money to pay for his wars.
In other words, you were taxed for using a toilet.
The diabolical sadist was Emperor Vespasian, in Rome around 74AD.
After Vespasian, the pay toilet timeline is pretty much blank until the late 19th century. That’s when John Maskelyne invented the first modern pay toilet in London, or rather, the first modern pay toilet lock (pictured left).
Maskelyne was a magician by trade, apparently of such repute that a professional organization, The Magic Circle, named a prize after him, awarded for “noteworthy contributions by a member or non-member of The Magic Circle to the art or literature of magic.”
I’ve been unable to ascertain what prompted magician Maskelyne to invent a pay toilet lock, but I doubt anyone named any prizes after him for that.
There are conflicting reports as to when pay toilets began appearing in the U.S. – some sources say that was in Terre Haute, IN in 1910; others point to Walt Disney installing them in 1935, in his Walt’s restaurant in Hollywood.
Like he needed the money.
However and whenever, pay toilets in airports and restaurants and railroad stations became common, and in almost all major cities in the U.S, people were paying to pee.
I should pause here and note – pay toilets weren’t just for peeing. But women had to pay every time they went into a toilet stall, while men paid only when they needed a stall.
Still, the fact that women had to pay every time was considered discriminatory by many, and some formed the group CEPTIA (Committee to End Pay Toilets in America). Lawsuits were filed, and in 1973 Chicago led the way, becoming the first city to ban them.
Pay toilets in America were almost obsolete by the end of the 1970s, though you’ll still see plenty of them elsewhere in the world. Some of those have done away with the coin-operated locks and instead have attendants in the bathrooms who, in exchange for a tip, will hand you a towel to dry your hands. In some instances, the attendants hold the toilet paper hostage until you pay up.
So if you’re planning a trip abroad (someday), I’d suggest you fill your pocket or purse with pence or rupees or pesos or cedis.
And I have every expectation that you’ll soon be paying to pee on your transportation, as well.
The airlines, which already charge us for carryon bags, checked bags, oversize bags, the bags under your eyes, snacks, drinks, priority seating, priority boarding, seat selection, ticket booking/changes/cancellations, Wi-Fi, traveling with pets, traveling without pets, runway fees, take-off fees, landing fees, segment fees, and fee fees…
Are missing a significant revenue stream (if you’ll excuse the expression) by not having…
My morning routine: Start coffee, wake up computer.
On the computer, one of the first things I google is “Biden.” I want to see our country’s top news stories, and a good place to start is with the president.
Ten headlines appear – the most recent stories – and I scroll through them.
Yesterday morning wasn’t any different as far as my routine, and some of the 10 headlines were as expected – Biden and the COVID relief bill, Biden and immigration, and so on.
But yesterday morning, an identical topic appeared in three of the 10 headlines, in the first, seventh and ninth positions.
And as I looked at those three headlines, I couldn’t help but compare them to headlines from the previous administration.
Here are the three headlines from yesterday:
Three out of the top 10 headlines were about President Biden’s dog biting a security guard.
I couldn’t help but think, “How wonderfully boring.”
And, “What a relief!”
Especially when you compare the dog-bites-security-guard headlines to these, for example:
Trump threatening to make war on North Korea:
Trump threatening to make war on Iran:
Trump threatening to make war on Americans:
After headlines like this, I’ll take dog-bite stories any day.
Earlier I used the word “boring” with regards to Biden, and I meant it as a great compliment.
There are many articles that use the words “Biden” and “boring” in the same sentence, like this one:
And I believe those writers mean it as a great compliment, as well.
One writer who put it particularly well was Michael Grunwald, in Politico shortly after the 2020 election:
Here are some excerpts:
“After four years of presidential rage-tweeting, name-calling, gaslighting, race-baiting and all-around norm-breaking, an exhausted electorate decided this week that it was ready to return to politics as usual.”
“Former Vice President Biden ran on a detailed policy agenda, a long record of Washington service, and a poignant narrative of pain and endurance. But his central promise was more basic: to restore decency, civility, empathy and most of all stability to the White House, so Americans wouldn’t have to think about their president every day, or wake up worrying about his tweets.”
“Biden is an optimist who genuinely sees America as an exceptional nation, a beacon of goodness to the world. He’s corny about his faith in America’s ability to come together and overcome adversity…”
“…America no longer seems to be yearning for a blow-stuff-up guy. It’s more interested in a put-stuff-back-together guy.
I recently saw a news story that caused two disparate reactions.
The first: “Good for her!”
The second: “That is so ageist!”
The story was about an unidentified Australian woman who reportedly was in a pub, celebrating her birthday. Her purse was on the table, and a guy grabbed it and ran.
The 45-second video appears to have been taken by a security camera. There’s no audio, and the quality is poor:
Here’s what happened:
The woman chases the man on a sidewalk, and as he turns into a parking lot, she grabs him by the arm, swings him around, and they both fall to the ground.
She wraps her arm around his neck – a chokehold – and grabs her purse with her other hand. As he struggles to stand, she has her purse in one hand and grabs his shirt with the other. His shirt is sliding off, and as she’s holding on to her purse and his shirt, and he starts dragging her across the pavement.
Now shirtless, he breaks away, heads to his truck and gets in. She pulls herself into a sitting position, and by about 33 seconds into the video, she’s on her feet, purse in hand. She keeps her eyes on him as she heads back to the sidewalk, and walks back in the direction they came from:
The would-be purse snatcher drives away, and the news stories said he’d later been arrested.
It’s easy to understand my “Good for her!” reaction. Her courage in chasing the thief, the tenacity in her pursuit, her determination to thwart him, and her success are all so impressive.
As to my second reaction – “This is so ageist!” – here’s the reason for that.
I read a number of articles about this event, and it appears the January 19 story was broken by 7News.com.au in Australia on February 21. Here’s the online headline:
How did 7News.com.au know the woman was a “grandmother”?
There’s nothing in the print story to indicate the woman self-identified as a grandmother.
There’s nothing in the video to indicate the woman self-identified as a grandmother.
Yet the 7News.com.au print and video versions refer to the woman as a “grandmother,” “gutsy grandmother,” “no-nonsense nana,” “nan,” “ninja nan,” “feisty nan” and “super-gran.”
The story was picked up by U.S. media coast to coast, from ABC News in Los Angeles:
To the New York Daily News:
And even internationally – here’s Great Britain’s Daily Mail:
And without exception, every story I saw also referred to the woman as a “grandmother,” or some variant.
It appears that the TV station in Australia started it, and without bothering to verify it, the other media outlets repeated it.
And that’s ageist.
Yes, it appears that the woman is older than her 20s or 30s or 40s.
But why did they assume that she’s a “grandmother”?
Because it’s an easy, older-woman label to slap on someone, rather than going to the trouble of ascertaining its accuracy.
The woman appears to be older, so she is, therefore, a grandmother.
And the implication is, “Look at what this old lady did!” As though a person of a “certain age” is too slow or too feeble or too mentally incapacitated or too something to tackle a purse snatcher, get him in a headlock, and retrieve her purse.
This all has to do with labeling people based on their appearance, and I realize labeling people based on their appearance is a much bigger issue than one woman in Australia.
Suppose it’s 1915 and you’re in the United States.
It may be that you want to go to Europe.
It may be that you have to go to Europe.
Either way, a reminder: It’s 1915 and there are no commercial airplanes to take you to Europe. And commercial travel by blimp doesn’t come along until the 1920s.
Your options are:
Don’t go to Europe.
So you book your passage on a cruise ship.
And the top-of-the-line, most luxurious cruise ship in 1915 was this:
In May 1915, plenty of people had booked their cross-Atlantic passage on the Lusitania, some with trepidation – Europe was embroiled in World War I, and the German Embassy in New York had put this notice in the shipping pages of New York newspapers on April 22, 1915:
“Liable to destruction.” No wonder some people were worried.
But the British-owned Lusitania was seen as invulnerable; it was the fastest ocean liner then in service. And, people were assured, the ship was thought to be so fast and so large that no German submarine could catch it, or sink it.
Besides, the Lusitania was a passenger ship, and even those horrid Germans wouldn’t dare attack a passenger ship.
This brings us to Kim Izzo’s Seven Days in May – three of her lead characters had booked passage on the Lusitania, departing New York on May 1, 1915. The book’s title comes from the number of days they would spend on the ship.
Those three lead characters are New York heiresses Brooke Sinclair and her younger sister Sydney, as well as titled Englishman Edward Thorpe-Tracey, Brooke’s fiancé. Brooke and Edward are going to England to be married, with Sydney as Brooke’s maid of honor.
The fourth lead character is Isabel Nelson, who works at the British Admiralty in the top-secret Room 40.
Some of Seven Days in May is the backstories of these characters – we learn about Brooke’s narcissism, Sydney’s political causes, Edward’s financial problems, and Isabel’s supposedly sordid past.
We also learn that the Lusitania was being tracked by the Germans, that the British Admiralty knew it was being tracked by the Germans. And that Winston Churchill – First Lord of the Admiralty – believed the German sinking of any vessel with Americans onboard would draw the U.S. into the war as allies of the British.
Or so author Izzo says, and she makes her viewpoint clear.
The sinking of the Lusitania on May 7, 1915 – just 14 miles off the coast of southern Ireland – was shrouded in mystery then, and still is today. For every fact proposed, there’s someone who staunchly argues otherwise. The ship was carrying a large amount of ammunition – no, it wasn’t. It was struck by one torpedo – no, it was two torpedoes. The death count was 1,128 or 1,198 or 1,201 or something else, depending on who’s telling the story.
Why did this “invulnerable” ship sink in 18 minutes? Why did the Admiralty try to blame the captain? Why did so many people die, after the 1912 lesson of the Titanic and that ship’s tragic misuse of lifeboats?
Izzo makes her viewpoint clear about it all, though in her Author’s Note she does allow that “the Lusitania remains an enduring mystery.”
Izzo’s recounting of the Lusitania sinking doesn’t start until page 255 out of 346 pages, but when Sydney and Edward end up in the Atlantic, and Brooke’s whereabouts are unknown, it does make for fairly suspenseful reading. And Isabel’s behind-the-scenes-in-Room-40 perspective on what the British government does and doesn’t do – before, during and after the sinking – had me shaking my head.
And wanting to learn more.
I started learning more by watching a 60-minute DVD by National Geographic, Last Voyage of the Lusitania, released in 1994.
It features Bob Ballard, he of found-the-Titanic fame, this time exploring the wreck of the Lusitania. Toward the end of the film he offers his theory of why the ship sank so quickly.
Leading up to that there’s lots of video from Ballard’s then-state-of-the-art underwater robotic technology, interviews with survivors who were young passengers when the Lusitania sank in 1915, and tragic shots of recovered bodies in open coffins, waiting to be identified. Some never were, and some bodies were never recovered at all.
The video lists the lives lost at 1,195 – yet another different number from those I cited above – and at one point Ballard says the Lusitania sank in “15 minutes,” again different from the 18 minutes I’ve read many times.
Of the many Lusitania facts, stories and conspiracy theories, Ballard does not resolve whether or not the ship was carrying live ammunition in its cargo hold to help England’s in its war against Germany. But many people are certain it was, and they’re also certain of this:
That the British government tried to destroy or at least seriously damage the wreck to obliterate whatever might be found by divers and salvagers.
Here are some online examples:
“The Lusitania appears in a much more deteriorated state due to the presence of fishing nets lying on the wreckage, the blasting of the wreck with depth charges, and multiple salvage operations.”
“The wreck is pocked with holes that were probably made with depth charges…we saw a number of unexploded depth charges, presumably a remnant naval exercises.”
“The wreck was bombed by the Royal Navy. Depth charges were dropped on the wreck during World War II. A Dublin-based technical diver, Des Quigley, who dived on the wreck in the 1990s, reported that the wreck is ‘like Swiss cheese’ and the seabed around her ‘is littered with unexploded hedgehog mines.”
“Professor William Kingston of Trinity College, Dublin claimed, ‘There’s no doubt at all about it that the Royal Navy and the British government have taken very considerable steps over the years to try to prevent whatever can be found out about the Lusitania.’”
“After its sinking, the British Navy mined the shipwreck to destroy evidence about what was held in its cargo hold.”
(Whether people are working from home, as many have been for the past year, or on-site at the job, there is one constant truth: Many, many managers are the worst. Here’s my take on that reality.)
According to its website, Inc. is a business magazine founded in 1979 and “the only major brand dedicated exclusively to owners and managers of growing private companies, with the aim to deliver real solutions for today’s innovative company builders.”
Inc. publishes six print issues annually, as well as daily online articles and videos.
It was an Inc. article that was attributed as the source for a newspaper piece I recently read, that had me shaking my head in both wonder – and disbelief.
Here’s the headline:
Seriously – is this Fantasy Island?
Managers don’t care, “genuinely” or even disingenuously.
Not about employees.
Managers care about scheduling their next golf game, their next three-hour martini-laden lunch, about the gift they need to pick up for their lover spouse.
Managers care about squeezing the maximum amount of work out of the minimum number of employees for as miniscule amount of money possible, to score points with their managers.
Let’s look at a few of the Inc. tips for those “innovative company builders”:
“Chatting with them about things other than work”? Isn’t that what managers get annoyed about when they spot employees chatting with each other about things other than work?
Manager: “Ruth and Nathan, it sounds like you’re rehashing the 49ers losing streak on company time. So I assume you’ll make up the time by working through lunch?”
But who knows? Perhaps an inexperienced manager will take this advice to heart, and try something like this:
Manager: “Chris, how’s that hideous cat of yours and will that report be on my desk in an hour?”
Another tip from the article:
You know and I know that when you look up “oblivious” in the dictionary, there’s a picture of a manager.
It’s highly unlikely that a manager is going to pick up on an employee’s “going through a rough time.” It’s even less likely a manager has the slightest interest in being “an ear”:
Employee: Ms. Crain, I’m really struggling with making my rent and my car payment and staying on top of my mother’s hospital bills and –
Ms. Crain: And this pertains to me…how?
This isn’t the article’s last piece of advice, but I’ll close with it, anyway:
Stop. I mean it.
OK – let’s pretend that the manager pretends to be interested in pretending to care about an employee’s career goals because the manager read about doing that in the Inc. article:
Employee: My career goals? My only goal, career or otherwise, is to get the hell out of this sewer of a company and the hell away from you!
Manager: Good, good. Will that report be on my desk in an hour?
What’s it all mean?
The U.S. workplace is no Fantasy Island.
Managers won’t read the Inc. article because they already give themselves an “A” for performance and, well…everything.
And that’s why we’ll keep seeing articles like this:
I’ve been whale watching five times, and saw this:
So I can only imagine the thrill of seeing whales, up close and personal, in their natural habitat, doing their natural whale thing.
For instance, going airborne, like this:
This is a humpback whale, and this behavior is called “breaching.”
Now imagine a seeing a humpback whale breaching, but he looks like this:
This extraordinary creature is Migaloo, and unlike the fictional Moby Dick, this great white whale is the real deal.
And he is great-looking, isn’t he?
Scientists determined that Migaloo is a “he” from skin samples taken in 2004. They estimate Migaloo was born in 1986, and he was first sighted in 1991, passing through Byron Bay, off the east coast of Australia:
Aussies are crazy for Migaloo. There’s a website for reporting sightings, with a nifty logo:
There are books and a CD:
And an Australian company, Migaloo Private Submersible Yachts, maker of “the world’s first submersible superyacht…”
When Migaloo is in the neighborhood – that is, off the Australian east coast on his annual migration from Antarctica to Queensland, as he was last June…
It makes headline news:
Why, you may be wondering, would a male humpback whale – picture an animal longer than a school bus and weighing up to 40 tons…
Want to haul his big self from Antarctica to northern Australia?
Migaloo is looking for love in all the right places.
According to AustralianWildlifeJourneys.com,
Each January, around 60,000 humpback whales leave the frigid, food-rich waters of Antarctica and begin the world’s longest mammal migration, a 5,000 kilometre (3,000+ mile), three-month journey to the warm waters of northern Australia where they mate, calve and nurture their newborns:
And Migaloo may, on his journeys, have fathered at least one offspring:
The photo caption identifies the whales as “MJ (Migaloo Junior) and his mother, shortly after birth.”
MJ was first spotted in 2011. Scientists say it’s likely Migaloo’s, but he has neither confirmed nor denied it.
Migaloo doesn’t kiss and tell.
I learned a lot from my Migaloo research, including where his name came from.
According to the Pacific Whale Foundation, when the public learned about Migaloo there was a clamoring to “name the whale.” It was decided that the naming should be done by the elders of the local aboriginal collective in Hervey Bay, and they named him “Migaloo” or “white fella.”
The website goes on to say,
The elders explained their connection to all white or albino animals and that they appear on earth to be respected and revered; that their unique color demonstrates the need to respect all forms of life even if they appear different than “normal.” They should be honored with reverence and respect, not discrimination and shame.
This word was in an article about the writer’s recent three-mile trek through the cold, slushy streets of Chicago.
Throughout her trek she encountered…
Piles of snirt.
I’d never heard nor seen the word, but I knew exactly what it meant.
Snirt: It’s dark, yucky stuff that originally was pristine snow, but has been piled up, driven on, plowed through and thoroughly covered in dirt, de-icing salt, car exhaust, and any other available crud.
Snow + Dirt = Snirt.
If you grew up in the Midwest, as I did, you’re intimately familiar with snirt.
You have no choice, because the piles of snirt continue to grow throughout winter. New snow is piled up onto old snirt and becomes new snirt. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
When spring finally arrives and the ground starts showing signs of coming back to life, the snirt piles remain, adorning yards and parking lots with this:
Into, and beyond spring.
Some snirt piles have been known to impede summer Little League baseball practice:
“Coach, where’s second base?” “It’s underneath that big pile of snirt, Tommy.” “What do I do if I hit a double?” “Just run straight from first base to third, and we’ll figure it out from there.”
One factor in my move from the Midwest to San Diego County was the weather, and generally, it is all it’s cracked up to be. This week, while people in many other parts of the country continue to suffer from the recent hellacious winter storms, our weather forecast looks like this:
So it may surprise you to know that we do get snow here – at the higher elevations – on Mt. Laguna, Palomar Mountain and so on. The weather forecasters on the local news actually get excited when the snow levels drop from 5,000 feet to 3,000 feet and lower:
And the residents? For reasons that escape me, hundreds of them choose to bundle up and drive – in bumper-to-bumper traffic – to those locations to experience snow and do this:
Though of course, by the time those hundreds of cars arrive at their destination, a lot of the snow has been turned into…
But here’s the catch:
We don’t have to live surrounded with this:
We can visit it – if we so choose.
The city of San Diego proudly claims the title of “America’s Finest City,” and there are a number of reasons for this.
Katherine, Anne, Jane, Anna, Katheryn, and Katharine?
After all the books – fiction and nonfiction – and feature films, made-for-TV productions, websites, plus blogs devoted to Tudor history…
Is there anything left to say about Henry VIII’s six wives?
Long-time and prolific author Alison Weir thought so.
Weir’s list of fiction and nonfiction books is impressive:
As her books focus mainly on Tudor and other English royal history, I consider Weir something of an expert and I’ve learned a lot from her books.
So when she launched her six-books fiction series (the sixth is due out in May) about Henry VIII’s wives – one book for each wife – I thought…
I’ve now read the first five, most recently Katheryn Howard, The Scandalous Queen.
In Weir’s Author’s Note, she describes the book as a novel based on “the revised and expanded biography…the original version of which was published in my book The Six Wives of Henry VII, in 1991.” Weir is a meticulous researcher, and relies on sources contemporary to the period as much as possible. She also sifts and sorts other sources and forms her own perspective, one I’ve consistently found to be credible.
With Katheryn Howard, Weir has added dialogue, and characters’ thoughts, motivations and feelings – most of which we can’t know, but again, I think credible.
And at the end – though I knew what was coming – I couldn’t help feeling sorry for Katheryn. She wasn’t the brightest flower in Henry’s bouquet of brides, but she was used, and disposed of, by ambitious, powerful men she was too naïve and powerless to fight.
If you know Katheryn’s story, I think you’d enjoy Weir’s insights. If you don’t know Katheryn’s story, this is a good place to start, though I’d actually recommend reading Weir’s “Six Tudor Queens” series in order, starting with Katherine of Aragon, The True Queen.
I don’t always agree with Weir, but I always enjoy her books.
Weir suggests these miniatures “can be identified on good grounds as Katheryn.” Left: “Portrait of a Lady, Perhaps Katherine Howard” in the Royal Collection Trust, by Hans Holbein, painted c. 1540. Right: “Portrait Miniature of Katherine Howard” by Hans Holbein, painted c. 1540, Buccleuch Collection.
Mother Jones, the magazine, has been around a long time – since 1976.
I only recently learned that the magazine was named after a real person:
Also known as Mary Harris Jones.
Also known as “the most dangerous woman in America.”
At age 65.
Why was she the “most dangerous”?
This is not a biography about Mother Jones – there’s the 2002 book by Elliott Gorn for that, and Jones’ autobiography from 1925. Instead, it’s a brief recap of only a few reasons I think she’s so extraordinary.
Mary “Mother” Jones was a survivor. A doer. And an energizer.
Mary’s birth date is unknown but she was baptized in 1837, so we’ll use that year.
Born in Ireland, she and her family were victims of the Great Famine, which caused at least a million Irish to emigrate between 1845 and 1849, and another million to die of starvation and disease.
In North America Mary received some schooling, taught for awhile, and in 1861 married George E. Jones, a member and organizer of the National Union of Iron Molders.
In 1867, when they were living in Memphis, George and their four children died during a yellow fever epidemic. Mary relocated to Chicago, built a dressmaking business, and lost that in the Great Chicago Fire of 1871.
According to the National Women’s History Museum website, Mary
“…found solace at Knights of Labor meetings, and in 1877, took up the cause of working people.”
Mary had begun her career as a labor organizer.
In 1897 Mary joined Eugene Debs’ Social Democracy and the United Mine Workers of America (UMWA) national strike in the Pittsburgh district, the first UMWA victory. She then joined the UMWA’s organizing drive in the Pennsylvania anthracite coal region, and was commissioned a national organizer.
Beloved by the workers she organized, they began calling her “Mother Jones” as Mary focused on the rising number of working poor during industrialization, especially as wages shrunk, hours increased, and workers had no insurance for unemployment, healthcare or old age.
She took part in and led hundreds of strikes, scorning jail, deportation to other states and threats on her life. She became the enemy of wealthy business owners, and in 1902 a U.S. attorney called her “the most dangerous woman in America.”
Pretty cool moniker for a 65-year-old.
And she didn’t slow down.
Mary was sent to survey the West Virginia coalfields in December 1900, reporting back that ‘‘conditions there were worse than those in Czarist Russia.’’
I recently watched a PBS documentary, The Mine Wars, which details a period when West Virginia coal miners were trying to unionize. The conflict between miners and owners escalated, eventually leading to the Battle of Blair Mountain, largest insurrection in the U.S. since the Civil War.
The film recounts Mary’s impact there, calling Mary the “nation’s most unlikely labor organizer.” While a newspaper described Mary as “loud, profane, and demanding,” the people she was helping called her the “miners’ angel.”
Of her efforts on behalf of the miners, Mary said, “Six months ago the men were afraid to look at me. Today they are realizing they are men, and have some right on this Earth.”
Well into her 80s, Mary continued to agitate and actively assist in the struggle to unionize workers, and continued to organize coal miners into her nineties.
She died in 1930, age 93.
I’m not a humanitarian, I’m a hell-raiser.
I asked a man in prison once how he happened to be there and he said he had stolen a pair of shoes. I told him if he had stolen a railroad he would be a United States Senator.
Pray for the dead and fight like hell for the living.
Kristin Harmel’s When We Meet Again (2016) and Chanel Cleeton’s TheLast Train to Key West were only so-so in my opinion.
Harmel’s lead character, Emily, 36, is so guilt-ridden that it gets wearying very quickly. When all is resolved at the end, my main emotion was relief that Emily’s story was over.
Cleeton’s three lead characters – Helen, Mirta and Elizabeth – are all in Key West, FL in 1935 for differing reasons. The fourth character – a weather event called “the most intense hurricane you’ve never heard of” – messes everyone up, then all is resolved.
So – so-so.
Except for the “I didn’t know that” moment in each book.
I have a lot of “I didn’t know that” moments. What I don’t know would fill the Library of Congress and plenty of other libraries, as well.
So I love learning new information, whether it’s through hearing it, watching it or reading it.
Even when the source is so-so books.
In When We Meet Again I learned that during World War II, there were German POW – prisoner of war – camps in the United States. (I didn’t know that.) Part of the book’s story takes place in Florida, so I started my own research at the Museum of Florida History:
“During World War II, some 378,000 German and Italian captives were sent to prisoner-of-war camps in the United States. Overall, about 10,000 German prisoners spent time in Florida, and it became a relatively common sight for Floridians to see POWs working on farms or in logging camps.”
Few of these prisoners were Nazis; most were just young men conscripted into Hitler’s army, many of whom were anti-Hitler and happy to sit out the remainder of the war in the safety of U.S. POW camps.
Another source – PalmBeachCountyHistoryOnline – talked of how the shortage of agricultural workers created a demand for labor. In addition to working on farms and in logging camps, the POWs were put to work in a bean-canning factory, and they…
“…helped to build the Lake Okeechobee Dike. Others chopped sugarcane in the fields in and around the camp from before 8am to about 3pm, for which they were paid 80 cents a day in coupons they traded for items such as cigarettes and beer.”
World War II ended in September 1945 and, according to Smithsonian magazine,
“By 1946, all prisoners had been returned to their home countries.”
Though, adds History.net,
“…an unknown percentage later came back to the United States, largely because of poor employment prospects in the immediate postwar Germany.”
And some POWs had fallen in love with American women – one of the storylines in When We Meet Again.
My “I didn’t know that” in The Last Train to Key West has to do with the U.S. government’s lousy treatment of U.S. military veterans.
That sounds timely, and it is, but this story is set in 1935, and these were veterans of World War I – a war that had ended in 1918,17 years earlier.
According to my research,
“…in 1924 many of these veterans had been awarded bonuses in the form of certificates they could not redeem until 1945. Each certificate, issued to a qualified veteran soldier, bore a face value equal to the soldier’s promised payment with compound interest.”
Many of the war veterans had been out of work since the beginning of the Great Depression in 1929, and in mid-1932 they marched to Washington, DC to demand early cash redemption of their service certificates.
According to public radio PRX.org, this group, now called the “Bonus Army,” consisted of:
“…more than 20,000 veterans and their families arriving in the nation’s capital. They established a tent city and vowed to stay until their demands were met. But finally, in a historic confrontation, General Douglas MacArthur’s Army troops routed the Bonus Army and burned their camp to the ground.”
A 2015 story in the Miami Herald says,
“President Franklin Roosevelt tried to fix the problem when he took office in March 1933 by putting the men to work in the Civilian Conservation Corps. When the economy began showing signs of recovery, many vets headed home. But some – written off as hopeless hobos by many but likely suffering combat-related disorders – returned to Washington to resume protesting. Faced with another showdown, Roosevelt persuaded Florida and two other states to reopen work camps.
“By late summer 1935, about 700 soldiers were in the upper Keys building a highway bridge to link Lower Matecumbe and Fiesta Key, and open the hardscrabble Upper Keys to the flow of tourism filling coffers in Key West.”
When the “the most intense hurricane you’ve never heard of” hit the Florida Keys on Labor Day in 1935, many of these veterans died; “soldiers,” says the article, “sent to a mosquito-infested rock during hurricane season to work for the government only to be abandoned once the inevitable storm arrived.”
Some died on a long-delayed evacuation train hit by a massive tidal wave, while for others who weren’t evacuated,
“Farther south, the veteran camps – the closest settlements to where the eye passed over Long Key – simply washed away as sustained 185 mph winds hammered the flimsy tents. Soldiers later recounted lashing themselves to trees or hanging on to railway tracks. Some sought cover in trenches where rock for the highway bridge had been quarried, only to drown when the storm surge filled them.”
The tragedy in the Florida Keys was yet another shameful chapter in a book about veteran mistreatment that our government is still adding chapters to:
I’m glad I read When We Meet Again and The Last Train to Key West because two so-so books sent me on a research journey where I learned important information about our country’s history. Some of it was discouraging, but all of it was worthwhile.
Daughter: Mom and Dad, this is Jacob Chansley, but you can call him Jake. Jake, this is my Mom and Dad.
Jake: How ya doin’?
Dad: Ah…How do you do, Mr. Chansley?
Jake: Dude, it’s Angeli. Jake Angeli.
Daughter (whispering): Jake, we agreed we weren’t going to get into all that right away, remember?
Jake: Dude, I’m speaking the truth, like on the cover of my book, OK? “The irresistible call of truth,” OK?
Mom: Did you say your “book,” Mr. Angeli?
Jake (reaching down the front of his pants): Yeah, I brought you a copy, see?
Mom: Why…how…how thoughtful. And doesn’t your…er…makeup look just like your picture?
Jake: I created the look. It totally speaks to my being the QAnon Shaman, ya know?
Mom: Yes, you’re…er…Very eye-catching, especially in person!
Dad: I, ah…I see your book is in Italian, Mr. Angeli?
Jake: Like totally, Dude. The title means “The Past Reveals the Future.” That’s a direct quote from me but, like, in Italian. Like the author.
Daughter: And Dad, the other line on the cover, that’s what Jake was referring to, it says, “The irresistible call of truth.” Isn’t that profound?
Mom: Why don’t we all sit down? Jake – oh, watch out for the lamp, your, er, horns…
Jake (narrowly missing the lamp, sits): We’re cool, Dude. I speak the truth.
Mom: Well, our little girl engaged – this is a surprise!
Daughter: And look at my ring!
Mom: Is that…er…
Daughter: It’s a wolf’s head! Because Jake is also known as “Yellowstone Wolf.” Isn’t that sweet?
Mom: Ah…How did you two meet?
Daughter: Oh, Mom, it was so romantic. It was last month, in Washington, DC and –
Dad (interrupts): Washington? We didn’t know you were going to Washington?
Daughter: Well, it was, ah…very last minute but it was all over the news how so much was going on there on January 6 and I wanted to witness it for myself, you know, see history in the making, and there was this huge crowd there, near the Capitol, and as I got closer I saw Jake…
Daughter: …well, I didn’t know he was Jake then, of course, but – I saw him on the other side of the crowd and our eyes met and, well…I just knew!
Mom: Knew what, dear?
Daughter (turns to Jake, smiling): I knew he was The One.
Jake (modestly): Yeah, that happens a lot.
Dad (sternly): You’re talking about the day a mob broke into the Capitol. Those, those criminals are being arrested, all over the country, for breaking into the Capitol!
Jake: I’m not really all that worried about it because, in all honesty…I didn’t break any laws. I walked through open doors, Dude.
Dad (sputtering): But, but – you did break the law!
Jake: The fact that we had a bunch of our traitors-in-office hunker down, put on their gas masks and retreat into their underground bunker, I consider that a win.
Daughter: Dad, here, look at my phone, here are some pictures of Jake…
Mom (soothingly): Why don’t we look at the pictures later, dear – I think dinner is just about ready.
Jake: Dude, I assume what you’re making is organic. Like, I don’t eat anything but organic food.
Mom: Organic? Well, I, um, I’m not sure…
Jake: Yeah, eating organic is part of my shamanic belief system and way of life. Dude, I mean – I’m so strong about this, in jail I went for nine days without eating because they weren’t doing organic.
Dad (shouting): JAIL? My daughter’s engaged to a guy who was in jail?
Jake: I lost 20 pounds! And my agent is working on a book deal! Whaddaya think of this title: Q For You: The QAnon Shaman’s Jailhouse Diet! With me, looking super-buff on the cover:
Dad (mumbling): My daughter’s engaged to a criminal.
Jake: So my lawyer got me transferred me to the Alexandria Detention Center, and a judge told ‘em they had to do organic for me.
Mom: I, ah, don’t know if you’d call anything I made organic, exactly, but…
Jake: Dude, no problem. Like I told ‘em in jail, it’s food grown without herbicides or pesticides. Organic canned vegetables, canned tuna – wild caught – or organic canned soups.
Mom: Well, I’ll see what I have in the pantry…
Dad (slumped, face in hands): My daughter’s engaged to a guy who was in jail. A guy who stormed the Capitol. A guy…
Jake: Dude, I’ll tell you all about QAnon over dinner. I speak the truth! And I know we’re gonna be great friends.
Jake: And to prove that – you can call me Yellowstone Wolf…Dad.
And my library is not the biggest – that’s in Washington DC:
But my library is the world’s greatest, most recently because of…
That’s right! Home delivery of library materials…
I am an avid reader and movie watcher, and for years my library has been my main source for books and DVDs. If the items I wanted were on loan to another customer, I’d just put the items on hold, the library would email me as each item became available, and I’d pick it up. My library also utilizes a statewide loan system, so if my library didn’t have the item, I could request it from another library.
It all worked so wonderfully well, and then…
The pandemic closed my library in mid-March 2020, and that meant no more books. No more DVDs. Right?
The amazing library team had anticipated closing, and already had a system in place to start home deliveries the very next day.
And delivering not just books, but DVDs, and books and music on CDs.
I can’t stress the importance of that enough: the very next day.
Instead of people coming to the library – the library came to them.
To the best of anyone’s knowledge, out of the 80 or so main libraries, branches, and county libraries in San Diego county, my library is the ONLY one providing this service.
And talk about service!
Between mid-March 2020 and the end of the year, the library team had delivered more than 20,000 items to library cardholder residents.
All the more remarkable, considering how labor- and driving-intensive this service is. As one librarian put it,
“We pull the holds each day, check them in to generate a slip of paper with the customer’s name, clean the materials, and then group them alphabetically. The next morning, the books are checked out and bagged. We label, then number the bags based on routes generated by an app for the most efficient delivery around the city.
“Then, two or three of us deliver to 25 to 55 households each, often with multiple bags or boxes for a single household, while back at the library, two or three of us pull more on-hold items from as many as 19 double-sided pages for the next day’s deliveries.”
As the pandemic wore on, the library team began noticing patterns for customer requests: how to start up a business and other how-to books; financial independence books; books about horses, outer space, backyard chicken-raising, and cookbooks; books on racism and African American history; and classics, both books and movies.
And, of course, children’s books. Said the librarian,
“The largest number of books that went out were consistently children’s books; some households would place holds for dozens of books for their kids. One customer told me that her kids behaved as if they had won the lottery when their books arrived!”
That emotion wasn’t limited to kids – in 2020 the library delivered more than 60 books and DVDs to my home, and whether the bag held one item or five, every time felt like Christmastime.
The pandemic went on, but my library was able to reopen a few months ago for limited in-person service. I wondered if home deliveries would be discontinued now that people could come into the library, grab and go.
Happily, the answer is:
The library team is still pulling, checking, cleaning, grouping, bagging, numbering, and delivering, and every Tuesday at my house…
Not long ago, on a bright, sunny, San Diego day, Dave, my indispensable, he-makes-house-calls computer guy, was working on my PC.
He said, “I’ve got something to tell you.”
Words that strike fear into everyone’s heart. Was my computer not fixable?
To prepare myself I said, “I’m not going to like this, am I?”
“Well…” he said.
I sat down.
Expecting the worst.
It was worse than I expected.
Dave said, “I’m moving to Texas.”
I didn’t say that, but I felt it. What I said was, “Wow, that’s big news! Where? When?”
“Greenville,” Dave said, “at the end of the month.”
Then he pulled out his phone to show me pictures of the house he’d bought. “Three bedrooms, two baths, an acre of property.”
Dave grinned. “We paid $150,000.”
His grin was understandable.
This is what $150,000 buys you in California:
Dave had been fixing our computers for 10 years. He was smart, reliable, available – everything you need when your computer is malfunctioning.
Indispensable Dave was leaving.
This news came just a week after Chip, our wonderful handyman who’s been fixing stuff around our house for six years, told me he was moving.
“Closer to family and a better life for the kids,” he explained.
Wonderful Chip who, like Dave, was smart, reliable and available. Two service providers I’ve been able to count on for years.
Both of them: Leaving.
Later, I emailed my next-door neighbor, John, who had referred me to both Dave and Chip. “Have you heard about Dave and Chip leaving?” I asked.
John had, and added, “I know seven or eight couples moving out of state. I’d go myself if I were a younger man raising a family.”
What’s going on here? I wondered. Is this a new pandemic – people leaving California?
It turns out there is a lot of it going around – but it’s not new, according to this December 2020 story:
The article says,
“For the second year in a row, more people left California than moved there. The result was a net migration loss of 135,600 people.”
A net loss of 135,600 people would be as if the entire population of Charleston, SC packed up and moved out of state, and brought along some suburbanites along with them.
This January 5 article…
…confirmed that, and also confirmed that plenty of those Californians were headed for Texas (like Dave) and Tennessee (like Chip), but also to Florida, Ohio, Arizona, Nevada…basically…
These and other articles all offer reasons for the exodus, among them:
The cost of housing, whether it’s buying or renting.
The appeal of living in states with no income taxes.
High taxes in general – for example, California has the highest state-level sales tax rate, at 7.25 percent.
Gasoline prices – this morning in California, according to AAA, it’s $3.42 per gallon, while the national average is $2.43.
For some, the left-wing politics – states don’t get much bluer than California.
And if all that wasn’t enough, just recently my cousin – a resident of North Carolina – emailed me and said,
“Have you ever considered moving away from CA and away from earthquakes (you know The Big One is coming) and wildfires? And mudslides and tsunamis. I worry about you guys being where you are.”
Well, there’s no denying California’s earthquakes and wildfires and mudslides. But tsunamis? I scoffed. We don’t get those here. Obviously I’d forgotten this 2011 event…
…when a 9.0 earthquake in 2011 in Japan triggered a massive wave that traveled 5,000 miles across the ocean, causing damage up and down the West Coast as far south as San Diego.
San Diego. That’s where I live.
But people are still moving here, and it’s easy to find online articles with plenty of reasons why: The weather, the diversity, the weather, the food scene, the weather, and how about our beautiful Highway 1, a 650-mile ribbon that runs along the coast and is described as “one of the most beautiful scenic drives that one can find in the entire United States.”
Well, it was…until this happened to Highway 1 near Big Sur on January 28:
“California dreaming,” indeed.
I can’t deny it: Taken together, there are plenty of reasons to exit California.
But – at least in terms of natural disasters – exit to where?
Where in this country aren’t there natural disasters?
Once again I’m in a position I’ve been in so often, it’s like a second home.
I am out of step with the book-reading public.
The book-reading public that, for awhile, put John Grisham’s latest, A Time for Mercy, at #1 on the New York Times’ best seller list:
I am out of step with professional book reviewers, who are saying the book is…
“…riveting…suspenseful.” (New York Times)
“…a morally complex story…Grisham’s mastery of the courtroom thriller is never in question.” (Bookpage)
“Impossible to put down…complex and surprising.” (Booklist)
I didn’t find A Time for Mercy “impossible to put down.” In fact, I put it down and read two other books, then reluctantly picked up the Grisham book again.
After slogging through another 50 pages, I put it down and read another book.
I ignored A Time for Mercy for so long, it looked like this:
Then I gave it one more try, and at page 248 out of 464, I put it down for good.
My own good, that is.
We were introduced to the book’s main character, Jake Brigance, in Grisham’s first book, A Time to Kill, published in 1993. Jake’s second appearance was in Sycamore Row in 2013, and A Time for Mercy is Jake’s third outing.
Jake is preparing for a big trial, a trial that’s going to bring him the fame he really wants and the money he desperately needs. Jake is representing a family that was killed in a collision with a train, and the railroad company has deep pockets.
Jake aims to lighten those pockets, something along the lines of $2 million.
Then Jake gets a call from his friend and mentor, Judge Omar Noose – seriously, that’s the judge’s name – who wants Jake to take on an indigent case, a 16-year-old boy who’s accused of murdering a local police officer.
The boy’s name is Drew. He has a 14-year-old sister, Kiera, and their mom is 32-year- is Josie. They live with Stu, Josie’s boyfriend, the cop Drew is accused of murdering.
And here, I think, is the cause of my lack of interest:
So many of the circumstances were so predictable.
Drew and Kiera have different fathers, though of course they don’t know that, and of course were born out of wedlock. Josie is chronically broke, and while of course she loves her kids, she’s on track to give them the same (of course) crappy upbringing she had.
Stu, apparently a wonderful cop in the daytime, turns into a drunken monster at night and of course he comes home and beats up Josie – regularly. On the night in question, Stu’s beating leads to Josie’s death, so of course, Drew takes Stu’s gun and shoots Stu, of course in the head.
In the meantime, of course Jake doesn’t want to take the case, but of course Judge Noose insists and of course, Jake caves.
In the meantime, Josie’s daughter Kiera reveals she’s pregnant, of course by Stu, who – of course – raped her repeatedly.
In the meantime, Jake and his wife have wanted to have another baby for years, so of course Jake’s wife suggests they adopt Kiera’s baby.
I figured if I kept reading, eventually Jake’s wife would want to adopt Kiera, too, and oh, hell, why not adopt Drew and Josie, adopt the whole indigent family?
Because of course, Josie wasn’t dead from Stu’s beating, as Drew had thought.
What an irony! What a plot twist! Josie’s not dead – who could have predicted that?
According to my research, Grisham’s books have sold 300 million copies and he’s written 28 consecutive number one bestsellers, a publishing success that’s hard to argue with.
So, I won’t argue.
I’ll just stay in my out-of-step mode along with the few naysayers – a mere 4% of the 35,000+ reviews on Amazon – who said, among other things:
“A rambling, poorly plotted narrative with threads that lead nowhere, no clear climax and a denouement that resolves very little.”
“…boringly repetitive. Every other chapter seemed to be about Brigance’s financial problems, his desire to ditch the client that was forced on him, and even the peripheral lawsuit that he was involved in. The ending took way too long and resolved nothing.”
I don’t make New Year’s resolutions because they’re a Set-Up-to-Fail.
And setting myself up to fail is no way to start a new year.
For example, there’s the most popular resolution of all:
And there’s a world of “experts” out there, telling us how to do this in 2021, like this one:
And this one:
And this one, in case you want to bring your dog along for the torture:
I find these articles especially loathsome when they include images like these:
Standing on a scale with an apple in one hand and candy in the other? I say, “Skip the scale, give the apple to the dog, and go for the candy!”
And the other image – two totally buff bodies, one holding a scale which clearly neither ever has, nor ever will, use.
I know from experience that a New Year’s Day resolution to lose weight will last until about 10am or the first football game – whichever comes first – and out come the chips and dips and snacks and whatever else is in the fridge and…
But losing weight isn’t our only Set-Up-to-Fail resolution. In addition to weight loss, the “experts” also offer lots of other resolutions we can make – and fail to keep:
Gosh – only “55+” ways to fail?
Here are just a few:
Make your bed every morning. This is a silly suggestion, since I’m going to get back into bed and pull the covers over my head at my first opportunity.
Give yourself more compliments. This I can do: “I took a three-hour nap today. Way to go!”
Take more trips with no destination in mind. We’re already doing that – the entire year of 2020 has felt like a trip with no destination in mind.
Here’s another one with 55 (what’s with all the number 55 stuff?) resolutions we can fail at:
And here’s a sampling:
Make your bed every morning. What’s with all the making my bed stuff?
Drink more water. I will. I will add one more ice cube to every alcoholic beverage I drink. Starting with breakfast.
Travel somewhere with no map. We’re already doing that – for the entire year of 2020 we’ve been traveling somewhere with no map.
I say: Forget about the weight-loss-list makers and the 55-resolutions-list makers and go for the one New Year’s resolution I did make years ago and have adhered to faithfully:
Eons ago – in the last millennium, before Google – I was writing a magazine article and trying to remember a quote that I thought would fit.
I knew the quote I wanted, but not the exact wording or who said it. I had a vague idea that it referred to “in heaven and on earth” and “philosophy,” but I was stumped on the who, when, and where to find it.
Then the light bulb went on, and I called my library.
I told the friendly librarian I was looking for a quote, stumbled over my explanation, and she cheerfully said, “May I put you on hold while I look for that?”
I gratefully agreed, and wondered if my request had sounded as foolish – and hopeless – to her as it did to me.
In a few minutes she was back, and said, “Is this what you’re looking for?”
It was exactly the quote I was looking for, and here it is:
“There are more things in heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
“That’s it!” I exclaimed.
“It’s from Shakespeare’s Hamlet,” said the librarian. “Act 1, scene five.”
“Right, right!” I said, as if I’d known all along.
I thanked her profusely, and finished my article, complete with the quote.
Just think of the knowledge that librarian had, in those pre-Google days, to be familiar not only with the quote, but exactly where to find it.
Just think of the kindness and patience of that librarian, to cheerfully take on the question I’d given her, just one of dozens or even hundreds of questions she’d received that day.
What we just Google now was found for us by our librarians – for centuries.
That’s how long libraries have been around.
According to History.com,
“The Library of Ashurbanipal, the world’s oldest known library, was founded sometime in the 7th century B.C. for the ‘royal contemplation’ of the Assyrian ruler Ashurbanipal. Located in Nineveh in modern-day Iraq, the site included a trove of some 30,000 cuneiform tablets organized according to subject matter. Most of its titles were archival documents, religious incantations and scholarly texts, but it also housed several works of literature including the 4,000-year-old Epic of Gilgamesh.”
I can just picture ole Ashurbanipal, sitting back and doing some royal contemplation, then asking his librarian to track down an obscure quote.
The librarian walks directly to a shelf and whips out this clay tablet:
The librarian points half-way down and says, “Yes, just as I thought. Here’s that quote you were looking for, Sire.”
I hope ole Ashurbanipal was grateful.
And speaking of ancient history, do you know what this is?
This is the pre-cursor to library computers.
It was called a “card catalogue,” and it was the system for discovering if your library had a book and if so, its location. Every book had a typed card filed by its title, and a second card, this one filed by the author’s last name:
You’d thumb through the cards and when you found your item, the library had thoughtfully provided small squares of blank paper and pencils (remember pencils?) on top of the cabinet so you could copy the information and go find your item.
First your fingers did the walking, and then your legs did the walking.
Libraries began transitioning to computers in the late 70s, and now you rarely see that bulky card catalog because everything is in the library’s online catalog.
But that change to technology hasn’t changed our need for that all-important human resource – our librarians and their vast store of knowledge.
And their ability to solve the who, when, and where to find it.
And their patience, especially for questions like mine, and the ones I’ve listed below. I found these online, and I have no trouble believing that people have asked librarians these questions…and will continue to do so:
“Is Decoration Day when we celebrate the Decoration of Independence?”
“I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95. Do you know which one it was?”
“Do you have How to Kill a Mockingbird?”
“I checked out a book from your library a number of years ago, and I really liked the book. I don’t remember the title or author, but it had a blue cover. Could you help me find it?”
“Can you tell me why so many Civil War battles were fought on National Park sites?”
“Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?”
“I need to find out Ibid’s first name for my bibliography.”
“Do you have audio books in large print?”
“Who wrote the Agatha Christie mysteries?”
“Would you mind checking if I have head lice?”
“I’m looking for Robert James Waller’s book, Waltzing through Grand Rapids.” (Actual title: Slow Waltz in Cedar Bend.)
“Can you reach into my pocket and get the change to pay for my copies?”
“If a poisonous snake bites itself, will it die?”
“At what time is high noon?”
“I found someone’s card on the floor. Will you show me how to use it so I can take stuff out?”
“Is it ok for me to leave my kids here?”
“Which outlets in the library are appropriate for my hairdryer?”
“I’m looking for the autobiography of ____, but I’m not sure who wrote it.”
“Do you have that book by Rushdie, Satanic Nurses?” (Actual title: Satanic Verses.)
“I’m looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of months.”
To the general public, I’ll say: Be grateful I’m not your librarian.
After the fifth or eighth or tenth question like those above, I’d be…
The other evening a commercial came on TV that had a Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer theme.
I don’t remember what product the commercial was pushing, but I do remember wondering – for the first time, ever – “Who wrote Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? And why? What’s the story behind the song?”
Writers tend to be curious people.
My curiosity stemmed from this:
Many of us learned the lyrics and melody to Rudolph at a very young age, and we’ve been singing it ever since.
I’d even suggest mindlessly singing it, but not in a bad way. That’s how we sing Christmas carols. The lyrics and music aren’t as important as the holiday spirit they invoke – religious or otherwise, solemn or silly.
And there are some truly silly Christmas carols out there.
I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas. Could it get any sillier than that?
Back to Rudolph.
As I wondered about Rudolph it occurred to me that what’s different is that there’s a message in the song, and it’s very contemporary:
Rudolph is different.
The other reindeer make fun of him (read: bullying).
Santa asks Rudolph for help.
Rudolph becomes a hero, and “then how the reindeer loved him.”
Pretty heavy stuff for a Christmas carol.
A search on the Internet started me on my path to answering my who and why and what. It turns out that the song was written in 1949 by Johnny Marks, who was the brother-in-law of a man named Robert L. May (pictured), and:
“…May created Rudolph in 1939 as an assignment for Chicago-based retailer Montgomery Ward. The retailer had been buying and giving away coloring books for Christmas every year and it was decided that creating their own book would save money.”
So Rudolph started out as a coloring book, not as a song?
Further research brought the ah-ah moment:
The coloring book author, Robert May, would write from his own experience.
According to History.com,
“‘Rudolph and I were something alike,’ the copywriter told Guidepost magazine in January 1975. ‘As a child I’d always been the smallest in the class. Frail, poorly coordinated, I was never asked to join the school teams.’”
And this, from Time magazine:
According to the article, May:
“…was a ‘shy’ and ‘small’ boy, and who ‘had known what it was like to be an underdog.’”
So May knew how it felt to be different. In addition:
“May was feeling downtrodden about his present life, too. ‘And how are you starting the New Year? I glumly asked myself,’ he later recalled, describing his mindset in early 1939 when he first received the assignment. ‘Here I was, heavily in debt at nearly 35, still grinding out catalogue [pictured] copy. Instead of writing the great American novel, as I’d once hoped, I was describing men’s white shirts.’”
And more heartbreak – May’s wife Evelyn was dying:
“‘My wife was suffering from a long illness and I didn’t feel very festive,’ he recalled.”
But May persevered, thinking about and working on the coloring book:
“As for the idea of a glowing nose apt for navigating, that light-bulb moment came from looking out his office window in the middle of one of Chicago’s infamous winter days, seeing the fog [below]from Lake Michigan and thinking of Santa trying to do his work on such a night.”
And this amazing twist: The whole idea of Rudolph and his red nose almost got dumped, because a focus group thought the red nose had “connotations of alcoholism”!
Another good story: Like many writers, May employed alliteration and brainstormed a list of names that began with the letter “R” such as Rollo, Rodney, Roland, Roderick and Reggy.
Can you even imagine Rollo the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
As spring turned into summer, May’s “wife’s parents came to stay with us to help,” he later wrote. Sadly, Evelyn died in July 1939.
May kept writing, and “Montgomery Ward printed the story as a soft-covered booklet in 1939 and distributed 2.4 million copies for free.”
Here it is:
Plans to print another 1.6 million copies the following year were shelved by paper shortages due to World War II, and Rudolph remained on hiatus until the conflict’s conclusion. When the story returned in 1946, it was more popular than ever and Montgomery Ward handed out 3.6 million copies of the book.
In 1947 Maxton Publishing Co. offered to print Rudolph in hardcover and it became a best-seller:
But it wasn’t until brother-in-law Johnny Marks wrote the song, and:
“Gene Autry’s recording of the song hit #1 on the Billboard pop singles chart the week of Christmas 1949. Autry’s recording sold 2.5 million copies the first year, eventually selling a total of 25 million, and it remained the second best-selling record of all time until the 1980s.”
Since then, Rudolph and his red nose have gone from best-selling record to a phenomenon: children’s books, comic books, TV specials, feature-length films, spin-offs, games, and video games. Along the way, Rudolph acquired parents, siblings and an extended family, countless merchandise items, and a starring role in a Christmas show at SeaWorld:
“Meet Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer™ and friends at SeaWorld’s Christmas Celebration. At Rudolph’s Christmastown, Rudolph leads the way to Christmas joy and holiday fun with all-new ways of making spirits bright.”
And while you’re there…
“If you can’t get enough of everyone’s favorite reindeer, stop by the Holly Jolly Marketplace, a special boutique here for the season with a fun-filled collection of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer gifts, apparel and keepsakes.”
Since Rudolph’s story had a happy ending, it’s only fair that Robert May’s did, too.
History.com says that May, a widower and single father, remarried and became a father again, but…
“…he still struggled financially. In 1947, the [Montgomery Ward] board of directors, stirred either by the holiday spirit or belief that the story lacked revenue-making potential, signed the copyright for Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer over to May. In short order, May licensed a commercial version of the book along with a full range of Rudolph-themed merchandise.”
Then came all the successes, and – eventually, inevitably – that commercial I saw the other night.
Of the millions of people who have and will sing Rudolph, watch Rudolph, play Rudolph and buy Rudolph, I hope that some will wonder, as I did, about the who and the why and the what.
And that some will understand, as I now do, that far from being just another Christmas carol, Rudolph is, in author May’s words,
“…a ‘story of acceptance,’ the moral of which was that ‘tolerance and perseverance can overcome adversity.’”
I discovered Jersey Mike’s Subs several years ago and I’ve been hooked ever since.
Where I live, they’re easy to find: California has 295 locations, more than any other state:
It appears that the only state that doesn’t have Jersey Mike’s is Alaska, and that alone is reason enough not to go there.
As if Sarah Palin wasn’t enough reason:
So I’m hooked, particularly on the sub pictured above: #13 Italian, Mike’s Way.
Includes: Provolone, ham, prosciuttini, cappacuolo, salami and pepperoni.
Mike’s Way includes: Shredded lettuce, sliced tomato, onions, red wine vinegar, olive oil blend, oregano, salt.
I include: Mayo.
Calories: About 1,210.
And I’m saying I can eat that and feel good about it?
Yes, for two reasons. Here’s one:
On a recent weekend I happened to learn that on that Saturday and Sunday, all 50 Jersey Mike’s locations in San Diego County would be donating 20% of sales to Feeding San Diego.
So that weekend, when I got my #13 Italian, Mike’s Way, I felt good about having my fav sandwich and donating to Feeding San Diego.
According to Jersey Mike’s website, the company is big on donating. On their Culture of Giving page…
They list their “Day of Giving – Over $30 Million Raised Since 2011”; “Wreaths Across America,” where “stores throughout the nation collect donations for this non-profit organization, which lays thousands of wreaths at the graves of the nation’s veterans in the Christmas season”; and a list of news releases going back to this one in 2007:
The more I read, the more impressed I was.
And the more I read, the more I wondered, “Is Jersey Mike’s really this committed to a ‘Culture of Giving’? Do they really walk their talk?”
If so, is anybody else talking about it?
Can I find a source to confirm what Jersey Mike’s is saying that is not a Jersey Mike’s news release or on their website?
A google search first brought me this, from the august publication Forbes:
The article says, in part:
“In late April 2020, Jersey Mike’s Subs’ CEO Peter Cancro spearheaded a TV ad campaign raising money for Feeding America and its 200 food banks.
“That campaign generated over $2 million for Feeding America to help needy families and people who were going hungry. Moreover, Jersey Mike’s 1,742 eateries (most are franchised and only 72 are company-owned) donated millions of submarine sandwiches to healthcare workers, seniors, children and other needy folks.
“That’s on top of Jersey Mike’s annual Month of Giving campaign, which includes a day when it donates 100% of sales – not just profits – to local charities nationwide. Since 2011, it has distributed more than $32 million in these efforts.”
That’s just a sample – there was plenty more in the article. And more here:
Earlier I mentioned Wreaths Across America – I went to their website and Jersey Mike’s is, indeed, listed as a corporate sponsor, a Level 6 Donor ($100,000 and up).
More research revealed:
The Multiple Sclerosis Foundation website says Jersey Mike’s has “helped raise tens of thousands of dollars for the Foundation.”
This past March, the CEO of Make-A-Wish New Jersey said, “The support of our friends at Jersey Mike’s gives us the confidence that when we ask that magical question, ‘If you could have one wish, what would it be?’ no matter what a child’s answer may be, we can say that their wish will be granted.”
And in November, the CEO of Feeding America said their organization “is excited to partner with Jersey Mike’s to help food banks across the country provide more meals to people in need.”
I’m thinking that Jersey Mike’s Culture of Giving is, indeed, on the level.
So yes, I can eat this…
And feel good about it.
Early on I said I have two reasons for feeling good about eating a Jersey Mike’s sub.
Here’s the second reason:
I request my #13 Italian Mike’s Way, but not cut in half. At home I cut it in thirds, and then have it three days in a row:
This interesting – but unsurprising – story appeared last week.
Trump had been texting about the all-important Senate race in Georgia, with pleas like “We MUST defend Georgia from the Dems!” and, “I need YOU to secure a WIN in Georgia” and, “Help us WIN both Senate races in Georgia & STOP Socialist Dems.”
But, say many articles,
“There’s just one hitch: Trump’s new political machine is pocketing most of the dough – and the campaigns of the Georgia senators competing in the January 5 races aren’t getting a cent.”
The donors should save their money for two reasons. First and obvious – none of their money is going to help the Republican Georgia Senate candidates.
And second: Trump won’t need that money – not where he’s going.
There’s a centuries-old tradition of despots either going into – or being sent into – exile.
Despot: a ruler or other person who holds absolute power, typically one who exercises it in a cruel or oppressive way.
One despot that comes to mind is Napoleon (1769-1821). Following the French Revolution, Napoleon reigned as Emperor of the French from 1804 until 1814, and then again briefly in 1815. Defeated in war by Great Britain and its allies, in 1815 Napoleon was exiled to the island of St. Helena, 1,100 miles from the west coast of Africa. Napoleon had escaped from an earlier exile, on the island of Elba, and this time the Brits were making sure there would be no more escapes.
St. Helena was a dismal place – “wet, windswept and unhealthy.” The house where he resided infested with rats, and his attendants complained of “damp floors and poor provisions.” Aside from his attendants, Napoleon’s companions were hostile British soldiers, who we can assume were unhappy with their assignment. His years of glory, power and wealth a distant memory, Napoleon died in exile at age 51.
A 20th-century despot example was Kaiser Wilhelm II (1859-1941), Emperor of Germany. Believed by many to be the primary cause of the Great War – later known as World War I (1914-1918), Wilhelm was looking at defeat and disgrace in November 1918. He boarded a train and went into exile in the Netherlands, where he died at age 82.
Wilhelm’s life-in-exile conditions were better than Napoleon’s – he had the wherewithal to live the life of a country gentleman, tended to by 40-some servants. He exhibited absolutely no remorse for the war or his role in events leading up to it, and blamed everybody indiscriminately for his plight, railing against the Jesuits, Freemasons, Socialists, Jews and anyone else he could think of.
An exiled despot of more recent vintage was Ferdinand Marcos (1917-1989), president of the Philippines from 1965-1986. When things fell apart for Marcos, he – with the help of the U.S. government – fled to Hawaii by way of Guam. As the story goes, he brought with him,
“…twenty-two crates of cash valued at $717 million, 300 crates of assorted jewelry with undetermined value, $4 million worth of unset precious gems contained in Pampers diaper boxes, 65 Seiko and Cartier watches, a 12-by-4-foot box crammed full of real pearls, a three-foot solid gold statue covered in diamonds and other precious stones, $200,000 in gold bullion and nearly $1 million in Philippine pesos, and deposit slips to banks in the U.S., Switzerland, and the Cayman Islands worth $124 million, which he all amassed during his dictatorship.”
We can assume Ferdinand’s exile was cushier than Napoleon’s or Wilhelm’s, up till his death in Honolulu at age 72.
Which brings us to a despot wannabe:
It was Trump himself who suggested exile, back in mid-October:
“You know what? Running against the worst candidate in the history of American politics puts pressure on me. Could you imagine if I lose? My whole life – what am I going to do? I’m going to say, I lost to the worst candidate in the history of politics! I’m not going to feel so good. Maybe I’ll have to leave the country, I don’t know.”
Many of the stories suggested Trump was joking, but they forgot something important:
Trump doesn’t joke.
Trump lacks both the sense of humor, and the intelligence, to make jokes.
And Trump has a number of very good reasons to consider leaving the country.
For starters, instead of being named Time magazine’s 2020 Person of the Year, that went to his competition:
And so did the 2020 election:
Here’s another reason:
Did I say “another” as in singular?
Lists a veritable tsunami of possible legal trouble for Trump, including:
Attorney general investigates Trump Organization projects
Manhattan district attorney’s criminal probe
Unknown Southern District of New York investigation
Southern District of New York investigation into Trump inaugural committee
Southern District of New York investigation into Giuliani associates
State tax department looks into fraud allegations
Manhattan district attorney indicts Paul Manafort
Attorney general lawsuit against the Trump Foundation
Tax department investigation into the Trump Foundation
And while Trump may pardon himself until he’s blue in the face (instead of orange), that would only apply to federal, not state, charges.
Then there are the two women who allege Trump sexually assaulted them and are suing him. One is E. Jean Carroll:
The other is Summer Zervos:
The Zervos story says,
“…Trump continues to quietly battle two women in court who allege he sexually assaulted them, fighting their efforts to obtain testimony and documents that could shed light on their accusations. The women, Summer Zervos and E. Jean Carroll, are among more than a dozen women who have accused Trump of unwanted physical contact in the years before he was elected.”
These ladies, and their lawyers, are not going away.
Speaking of ladies and lawyers, Trump’s niece Mary is also suing him:
Then there are those NIMBY (Not In My Back Yard) neighbors in Florida who appear to have a pretty good case that Trump legally cannot live at his Mar-A-Lago private club:
What a bunch of cranky old poops! Just because Trump signed a legal agreement in 1993 stating he’d never use Mar-A-Lago as a residence, since when has signing a legal agreement ever meant anything to him?
And there’s this problem, to the tune of $340 million:
According to the article, Deutsche officials…
“…hope ending their relationship with Trump could help reduce some of the scrutiny facing the bank – which could intensify if Democrats sweep the election and move forward on probes stalled under the Trump presidency.”
Banks don’t like scrutiny + Joe Biden won = trouble for Trump.
So it won’t be enough for Trump to just “leave the country” and go into exile like Napoleon and Wilhelm and Ferdinand.
I suppose Trump could flee to a country that doesn’t have an extradition treaty with the U.S., and there are more than 70 of them.
One of those is Russia, and apparently some there are clamoring for Trump’s company:
Russian state media – which “affectionately refers to Donald Trump as ‘our Donald,’ ‘Trumpusha’ and ‘Comrade Trump’” – are worried about Trump’s future.
And not just Russian state media – the Russian Defense Ministry’s Public Council, Igor Korotchenko, spoke out in Trump’s defense, saying,
“Russia can offer political asylum to the persecuted former president of the United States, Donald Trump. But let him not simply arrive to Rostov or elsewhere, but also transfer his capital here and finally build his famous Trump City somewhere in our New Moscow.”
I’m guessing ole Igor walked that back real quick when this happened on December 15:
If not Russia, then how about we stipulate that Trump can go to any one of those other 70+ countries with no extradition treaties…
If he can point to it on a map.
Burkina Faso? Oman? Comoros?
Trump would be 0 for 3 with that.
But that’s OK, because I have the perfect place for Trump:
How “remote” is Bouvet Island?
It’s located 1,404 miles away from the nearest humans, halfway between South Africa and Antarctica:
Described in the article as “an ice-covered, glacier-surrounded, inhospitable lump,” the good news for Trump:
There’s no Loser Of The Year or New York District Attorney’s office or angry women with lawyers or NIMBYs or Deutsche Bank.