Forget Their Advice! Here Are My…

And now it’s time for another response to the folks who persist in writing advice columns about working.

bad advice croppedYou know – advice like “How To Shine In A Shit Job!” and “Are You A Sincere Sycophant?”

This time the article is “Signs You Need A New Job,” and here are the writer’s four signs.  With my comments, of course.

  1. Your workday drags on and on.

Of course it “drags on and on.”  That’s why it’s called “work.”  That’s why they pay me to do it.  You don’t think I’d do this for free, do you?

  1. You haven’t learned or done anything new in months.

I have learned and done something new:

  • I’ve learned how, when I’m at my computer, to conceal that I’m shopping pre-carryout with hand croppedholiday sales on Amazon.
  • I’ve learned how to siphon off parts of nice, fresh salads in the employee fridge in the morning before my colleagues have them for lunch. Their salad dressing too, while I’m at it.
  • I’ve learned how, when a team leader asks for volunteers, to gracefully excuse myself and go to the restroom.
  1. You’re embarrassed to say what you do for a living.

I’m not embarrassed about to say what I do for a living.  I’m embarrassed that I’m not independently wealthy.

  1. You don’t see how this job will lead to a better one.

The only “better one” has a name:  It’s called “retirement.”

Now for my good advice on…

The Top 10 Signs You Need A New Job

 

1.     Your hour+ commute is the best part of your workday.

 

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2.     While you were at lunch, your desk was cleared out and someone you’ve never seen is sitting there.

 

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3.     Everyone was invited to the holiday party but you.

 

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4.     Your manager has a voodoo doll that looks exactly like you…with pins stuck in it.

 

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5.     Summons to HR have become a twice-weekly thing for you.

 

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6.     Colleagues are leaving “Good Bye and Good Luck!” cards on your desk…anonymously.

 

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7.     When you stand up in your cube and loudly ask, “Who wants to go to lunch?” nobody does.

 

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8.     You cried at your annual evaluation and your manager hadn’t yet said a word.

 

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9.     You were out sick for three days and nobody noticed.

 

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10. You’re looking forward to life-threatening major surgery because it’s time off work.

 

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If you’re one, some, or all of the above, now you know:

You need a new job.

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