As worldly-wise as I sometimes think I am, I’m delighted to say that I can still be surprised. Here are two recent instances:
Surprise #1: I’ve Heard Of Ants In Your Pants, But…An Alligator?
Michael Clemons, 22, and Michelle Marchan-Le Quire, 25 may not be what you’d call nature knowledgeable.
On a recent date night, instead going to a boring old restaurant, they decided to go find a nice underpass in Punta Gorda, FL and collect some wildlife.
No ho-hum restaurant food for them!
At around 3:15am, collecting complete, the couple were enroute to somewhere else when they were pulled over by police for running a stop sign. They told the deputies they’d been collecting frogs and snakes.
There were several bags in the car, and after asking Michael for his license and registration, one of the deputies asked if they’d mind opening their bags so he could see what wildlife they’d collected. Michael opened his bag – just clothing and personal items.
Then Michelle opened her backpack and – here’s the evidence that these folks are not nature knowledgeable. Instead of frogs and snakes, Michelle’s backpack contained…
Dozens of little turtles!
The deputy asked Michelle if she had anything else…
And she pulled out a small alligator…
From her pants!
Clearly Michael and Michelle don’t know the difference between “frogs and snakes” and “turtles and alligators.”
The collected animals are native to Florida but are regulated, so Michael and Michelle were cited for having them and for violating bag limits, and got a warning for the stop sign violation.
I do wonder about the conversation after they were stopped, those blue and red police lights flashing in their rear window, police about to approach their car:
Michael: Shit! Busted!
Michelle: I gotta zip up my backpack. Here – take the alligator!
Michael: The alligator was your idea! YOU take the alligator!
Michelle: I’m not taking it! What am I gonna do with it?
Michael: I don’t know! Put it in your pants!
Michelle: I’m not putting no gator in my pants! Your put it in YOUR pants!
Michael: Geez, here come the cops! Put it in your damn pants!
Michelle: Bite me!
Surprise #2: I’ve Heard of “Staycation” But…Fakecation?
Here’s the perfect idea for those:
- Whose lives begin and end with social media on their phones.
- Who’ve lost their jobs because they spent so much work time on their phones.
- And cannot, therefore, afford to go on vacation.
That’s right: Fake a Vacation.
On the level: This is a Nebraska company whose website says,
Fake a vacation with pictures. Make your friends envious of where you were and have them thinking of being where you are. Fake vacation is a perfect Meme for bragging to your friends. Select from destination packages available or we can create a custom package just for you. Ready to the excitement.
I’m not sure what that last sentence means, but I am sure of this:
Now, instead of your social media buddies (and I know you’ve got thousands!) feeling sorry for you because you’re an unemployed loser, they’ll be green with envy because you went on a fabulous vacation – and they didn’t!
Just upload a few photos of you to Fake a Vacation, choose your destination – Disneyland, the Grand Canyon, Hawaii and others – and in no time at all you’ll be on Instagram and Facebook with pictures of you having the time of your life:
Without the bother of all that fun and relaxation.
The packages also include some facts – a cheat sheet – about each destination to help you concoct the story of your fake vacation.
So when your friends tweet, “Wow, your vacation in the Grand Canyon – very cool!”
You won’t tweet, “We had a blast! We went on every ride, and had our picture taken with Mickey Mouse!”
Here’s another good reason to go with Fake a Vacation:
Lots of people do it. And isn’t that always the best reason?
It’s a fact, according to TechTimes.com. In April they reported that a new study surveyed more than 4,000 adults from the United States, and revealed that 10 percent of the respondents have already posted fake travel photos on their social media accounts.
So what are you waiting for?
Fake a Vacation is ready to fake you into your dream destination, without ever leaving the comfort of your couch.
Except for your trip to…