Guaranteed: How To Get Your 15 Minutes Of Fame

At first, we couldn’t find her.

Then, we couldn’t get away from her.

She was everywhere: CBS, ABC, NBC, CNN, YouTube, The New York Times…

…the Washington Post, Time, USA Today, People, Associated Press, local print and television.

And it was more than 15 minutes:

As I wrote this, we were at 10 days and counting.

And all she had to do was…

Something dumb:

She got lost.

Amanda Eller, 35, a resident of Maui, decided to go for a hike on May 8 in the Makawao Forest Reserve.

She got lost, was found on May 24, and no one can dispute that she suffered an ordeal during that time.

Since then, we’ve been inundated with information about Eller. Here are just a few items from the tsunami of coverage:

“I don’t really know what happened,” Eller said. “All I can say is that I got out of my car, it’s like, you know, I have a strong sense of internal guidance, whatever you want to call that, a voice, spirit – everybody has a different name for it, heart.

“My heart was telling me, ‘Walk down this path, go left,’ great. ‘Go right.’ It was so strong,” she continued. “I’m like, great, this is so strong that obviously when I turn around and go back to my car it will be just as strong when I go back, but it wasn’t.”

So Eller, like, listened to that “voice” – or whatever you want to call that – and like, got lost for like, 16 days.

The Makawao Reserve is rugged land, and Eller stumbled, fumbled, walked, crawled, fell, broke her leg and/or injured her knee, depending on who you’re reading. And one night:

Eller said she was able to keep warm by seeking shelter inside the den of a wild boar:

“This is the Chinese New Year, this is the year of the boar, I’m a boar,” Eller explained to reporters. “So I’m like finding myself sleeping in a boar’s home. And they were like trailblazing for me.”

Let’s recap:

Ooooooookay!

While Eller was wandering, a search was underway. From various media sources:

Eller’s rescue followed an enormous search effort, which included hikers, helicopter and drone pilots, free divers, and data analysis experts.
Fire rescue crews and more than 100 volunteers mounted an intensive land and air search of the area. The effort expanded to high-tech GPS mapping and the dispatch of a team of hiking dogs.
There was a Facebook page offering a $50,000 reward, and a Go Fund Me page dedicated to helping fund her family and friends’ search raised more than $77,000.
“Searchers braved relentless sun, flooding rivers and unforgiving terrain that they took head-on with the business end of machetes. They picked through the intestines of the boars they slew to look for human remains.”
One rescuer was reported injured, and another, Chris Berquist, says he lost his job because he refused to return to work while the search was ongoing.

A few days after her rescue, Eller and her family held a press conference:

Seriously? A press conference for getting lost?

During the press conference, CNN carried live updates:

Seriously? Live updates on CNN for getting lost?

Come on! This woman didn’t find the cure for cancer, or find the path to world peace, or even find Waldo.

The media even aired a surveillance video of Eller shopping at Haiku Market for a Mother’s Day gift just before she went on her hike:

At first, we couldn’t find her.

Then, we couldn’t get away from her.

Her boyfriend made the news:

Her car made the news:

Even her feet made the news:

See what I mean?

She was everywhere.

Follow-up:

Eller lost weight during her ordeal, and she’s considering writing a book, How To Lose 20 Pounds in Less Than 20 Days – The Listen-To-That-Voice-And-Get-Lost Diet!

A memoir about her experience is also in the works, and several prominent Hollywood moguls are in a bidding war for the movie rights.

A lead actress has not been named, but Eller’s feet will portray themselves: