In an unprecedented move by a president known for doing the unprecedented, on Thursday after awarding the Presidential Medal of Freedom to basketball legend Bob Cousy, Trump later also awarded a Presidential Medal of Freedom to himself.
The White House statement issued late Thursday evening said in part,
Due to his extraordinarily numerous accomplishments over the past week – more than any president in the history of our country – Trump, who is known for his deep introspection, had impartially reviewed his recent news coverage and, filled with warm fuzzies, decided that he was a most worthy recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom.
“When it comes to all things presidential,” Trump said, “who knows better than Your Favorite President?
“I was in Kentucky on Tuesday – or was it Wednesday – anyway, talking to a bunch of vets. Lexington, I think. Or was it Louisville? Anyway, they love me in Kentucky, we won Kentucky by – well, it was bigger than Abraham Lincoln’s numbers, let me tell you.
“And the best Senate Majority Leader in history was born there, you know who I’m talking about, that’s right, Mitch McConnell. And he’s up for re-election next year, and if any of you Jews don’t vote for him, you’re disloyal to our country.
“And the people at the vet thing – the crowd was enormous. Bigger than my inauguration crowd, and you know that was a record breaker. But that’s what we do, we break records and Make America Great Again and to hell with Greenland and their nasty prime minister.
“Maybe I’ll buy Taiwan instead of Greenland. Who owns Taiwan – Japan?
“So I’m saying to these vets – do you know how much vets love me? There was also this huge crowd outside the hall and people were, like, climbing over each other, trying to get in.
“And the fake news won’t tell you that – because they’re too busy trying to create a recession. Fake news, fake recession. Our economy is terrific. Great growth potential.
“So I said to the guys – well, there were some women there, I guess. Are there women veterans? Anyway, one of the guys, I think his name was…it doesn’t matter, he’d gotten the Medal of Honor.
“And I had another one of my brilliant ideas – I am brilliant, you know. In fact, I’m a genius. A very stable genius.
“So I said, ‘I wanted one, but they told me I don’t qualify, Woody.’ I said, ‘Can I give it to myself anyway?’
“Because if I hadn’t had those bone spur things in my left heel – or was it both heels? The doctor – great guy, really talented, very smart, we had a lot in common – he said, ‘Mr. Trump, I know you’re anxious to serve our country and go to Vietnam’ – and I was, I was ready to go and fight. Nobody was more ready than I was. But the doctor said, ‘No, you have bone spurs.’ So I wasn’t able to enlist.
“But if I had – Medal of Honor. No doubt. Absolutely none. Ever. Never. None. Maybe two.
“So that got me thinking about medals and I remembered – Medal of Freedom!
“I was already in a giving mood, after giving the medal to that Cousy guy, so the timing was great. Best timing ever, really.
“And tonight I awarded it to myself.
“Not in secret, though, no matter what the fake news is saying. There was a big crowd there, it would have been bigger than my inauguration but it was inside.
“I’m telling you, I really am the Chosen One.”