In the very early hours of Saturday, March 14, CNN announced:
This bill, H.R. 6201, is the Families First CoronaVirus Response Act, a multibillion-dollar stimulus package aimed at assisting millions of Americans directly hurt by the coronavirus outbreak.
What only a select few know is that’s there’s a provision buried in the bill that reads, in part:
“To ensure that the President is receiving the most up-to-date information on the well-being of the American people, we require that he be the first of the American people to experience the hardships they, too, will be experiencing.”
As a result of this provision, my hope is that in the very near future, when Trump ducks out of an Oval Office meeting into his Executive Bathroom, he’ll experience this:
He’ll yell out and several of his toadies will rush to the door:
Toady #1: Yes, sir?
Trump: I’m out of toilet paper! How the #!*$!%*#!! can my bathroom be out of #!*$!%*#!!ing toilet paper?
Toady #2: Well, you see, sir, the store shelves are empty and –
Trump: I don’t care about that! Just get me some #!*$%!%*#!!ing toilet paper!
Toady #3: Yes, sir!
(A few minutes pass)
Toady #1: Sir? Sir, are you there?
Trump: OF COURSE I’M STILL HERE, YOU #!*$!%*#!!ing IDIOT!
Toady #1: Sir, we have everyone out checking the other bathrooms and the supply cabinets, we haven’t found any toilet paper so far but we’re moving as expeditiously as we can, and…
Trump: Are you wearing a tie?
Toady #1: A tie, sir?
Trump: YES! A #!*$!%*#!!ing TIE! ARE YOU WEARING ONE?
Toady #1: Well, yes sir, but…?
Trump: Crack open the door and toss me your tie.
Toady #1: Yes, sir! Right away, sir! (Pause, then door opens slightly) Here you go, sir.
Trump: Close the #!*$!&*#!!ing door! (Short pause) Why the #!*$!%*#!! do I have to solve all these big problems myself?
(Sound of flushing, and more swearing)
Of course, to fully ensure that Trump is experiencing what we’re experiencing, in addition to the toilet paper shortage, let’s include supermarket shelves empty of paper towels, baby wipes, hand sanitizers, bottled water, rubbing alcohol, hydrogen peroxide, soap, peanut butter, pasta, rice, beans, canned goods and many other food items…
And of course, Trump can’t be tested for coronavirus because we can’t, and we can’t be tested because…
Oh, wait. It appears that most of us 331,000,000 U.S. residents can’t get tested, but somehow, Trump did:
But most of all, let us remember the people who are losing their jobs and incomes.
Trump claims he doesn’t take a presidential salary, so instead we’ll deprive him of the income from his businesses, which is substantial, according to this article:
No income for Trump till further notice.
No toilet paper for Trump till further notice.
No employment for Trump as of November 3, 2020: