I Am In Search Of The Absurd

One of the things I enjoy most about blogging is the opportunity it presents to enjoy the absurd.

I love funny stuff, but I love the absurd even more. 

You know – those human behaviors that make you pause and say…

“Is this the truth?” you wonder, “or is someone making this up?”

Usually, it’s the truth.

That’s the beauty of the absurd.

One blog I posted about the absurd was June 2018, when the United States Postal Service (USPS) came up with the brilliant idea of selling scratch-and-sniff stamps:

The postal service, which has been in financial trouble since Ben Franklin founded it in 1775, apparently decided that scratch-and-sniff stamps would help turn things around.

USPS predicted – incorrectly, it turned out – that hordes of us would welcome the opportunity to scratch and sniff something that had been mangled in machines, spilled on floors, and touched by how many who-knows-where-those-hands-have-been.

Then there was the very first post I did, back in May 2017:

I talked about how I hated having houseguests, how most people hate having houseguests, but that we do it anyway.

Absurd, yes?

I recounted several houseguest experiences, including the time my friend and her husband came to stay for just one night. 

One night – that was doable, right?

Wrong:

After a nice day together, we all turned in.  Then, when I was almost asleep, I heard a noise from the bedroom next door that was instantly recognizable though almost indescribable.  It was female, it was loud, and it began with “oh, oh,” followed by, in an equally loud male voice, “oh, god,” followed by a duet:  “god, oh, oh,” followed by – well, you get it.

But never was the absurd easier to find than after Trump and his parasitic family moved into the White House. 

The absurdity was non-stop, and for absolute absurdity, no one could beat Melania Trump.

March 2020:  Our country had started its miserable slide down into the pandemic.  Was Melania focused on where our country was headed, and what she could do to alleviate the suffering?

No.

She was focused on this:

Building a tennis pavilion at the White House.

So I love the absurd, but – sadly – over the past year I’ve realized that my enjoyment of the absurd had gotten…frayed around the edges. 

My enjoyment of life in general had gotten frayed around the edges.

A daily increasing pandemic death toll will do that.

Oh, I had it better than most, and I knew it.  I hadn’t lost anyone I loved, I didn’t know anyone who’d been infected, and if I hated wearing a face mask, well – just suck it up and do it.

Recently, writer Michelle Goldberg in the New York Times summed up her – and my – situation perfectly:

“Knowing how little I’d lost compared to others didn’t lessen my misery, it just added a slimy coating shame to it.”

So here I was, wondering if I’d ever find anything absurd again.  Wondering if I’d ever again have another one of those “What.  What?” moments.

Salvation came on March 24, with this big announcement:

Who? I thought.

Who the hell is Chrissy Teigen?

And who cares if she deleted her Twitter account?

Well, if the Associated Press (AP) – a respected, credible media outlet – considered her newsworthy…

Perhaps I was onto something.

Something absurd.

It turns out that Teigen, 36, is “an American model, television personality, author, and entrepreneur.”

Which is another way of saying she doesn’t really do anything, but is, instead, famous – for being famous.

She has – had – 13.7 million followers on Twitter, who apparently couldn’t wait to lap up pearls of wisdom like this:

“john” being her husband, singer John Legend.

And this:

The couple have two children, one of whom appears in this image with Teigen, which Tiegen posted:

In addition to posing for photos with her son, Teigen noted another activity the two share:

“Wait til the find out we take baths together.” 

I think she meant till rather than til, and they find out, but who am I to question such eloquence?

Teigen’s eloquence was again on display in this treasure:

Teigen’s husband had been invited to perform at President Biden’s inauguration, and Chrissy accompanied him, taking note of the “literal fucking heroes” i.e., National Guard members.

Brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it?

My search to find out who Chrissy Teigen was didn’t uncover any Nobel Prizes, Pulitzer Prizes or even door prizes, but it did lead to my discovering these important items on her website:

If you, like me, have been craving some basic b*tch hair thingies – problem solved.

And her 13.7 million former Twitter followers?  If these examples are anything to go by, they are bereft:

So all this explains the attention paid to Teigen in the national and international news – in addition to the Associated Press, I found her dumping-Twitter story on CNN, the Los Angeles Times, the Washington Post, Variety, People, the Chicago Tribune, Newsweek, ABC, CBC…

And Glamour, which boasts “1115 Stories about Chrissy Teigen”:

I, and I’m certain that you, want to know in which public places Teigen and her husband have had sex.  Ms. Eloquence said:

“One time, at the Grammys, I said that we had sex at ‘that Obama thing,’ and that came out wrong.  Because what I actually meant was…it wasn’t with them or near them…I believe it was at the DNC, actually.”

The story goes on to say,

Teigen also said she and Legend have done it at the Los Angeles boutiques Ron Herman and Fred Segal (“right in front of the juice bar”).  They’ve had sex on a plane too – and not a private jet. 

As for the burning question, Why, oh why did Teigen close her Twitter account?  According to the Washington Post,

Her departure from Twitter came on the heels of her announcing her partnership with Kris Jenner to create a line of plant-based cleaning products, which drew criticism online.

Teigen (left) and Jenner with their brand-new line of cleaning products; Jenner is the matriarch of the Kardashian Klan, who are also famous for being…famous.

Apparently some people were trolling Teigen and Jenner, like this example:

“Seems pretty tone deaf.  Two wealthy women with housekeeping staff, marketing cleaning products to the middle class in the midst of a pandemic.”

Apparently this isn’t the first time Teigen was trolled.

Teigen’s last tweet included this:

“But it’s time for me to say goodbye.  This no longer serves me as positively as it serves me negatively, and I think that’s the right time to call something.”

Teigen didn’t specify what “something” it was the right time to call, but…a mere bagatelle.

So…those 13.7 million former Teigen Twitter followers are sad.  They miss this epitome of eloquence, this model of motherhood, this…this…

Let’s leave the monikers to Glamour, which said it best:

Chrissy Teigen is a national treasure – this is not up for debate. 

As for me?

I’m a happy camper.

Thanks to Chrissy…

When it comes to the absurd…

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