What Is It?

A paper accordion?

Lots and lots of tiny printing:

Oh, look – pictures!  I like pictures:

Even more pictures:

Here’s the other side – not much in the way of pictures:

So, six views of the same thing, but…

What is it?

Let’s start with the basics.

It’s 12.5” high and 29” wide – suitable for framing.

I’m pretty sure it has more words than Rare Earth’s Get Ready, including the “fee-fi” and the “fo-fo-fum.”

It’s printed on something flimsy enough to be toilet paper, with lots of black ink.

What is it?

It’s the Medication Guide stuck inside the box of a prescription my doctor ordered for me.

It includes a list of all sorts of bad stuff that can happen once I ingest this drug, including heartburn, constipation, diarrhea, nausea, and pain in my bones, joints, or muscles.

And hives, or swelling of my face, lips, tongue or throat.

And something called taste perversion, and I don’t even want to guess what that is.

If I have one/any/all of these, I’m supposed to “tell your doctor if you have any side effect that bothers you.”

Which of these, I wondered, would not bother me?

Here’s a spiffy graph entitled, Studies of One Effect on Serum Alkaline Phosphatase Blah, Blah, Blah.

And a chart that tells me if the likelihood of any of these side effects is Possibly, Probably, or Definitely Drug Related.  Which is possibly, probably and definitely not helpful.

However, the guide was helpful with great words for the next time I’m playing Scrabble, including:

1. Diaphyseal
2. Glucocorticoid
3. Pharmacodynamics
4. Pharmacokinetics
5. Subtrochanteric

OK, seriously.

Who does the drug maker think is going to read this stuff, much less understand it?

I only read it so I could make fun of it.

Plus, if I run out of toilet paper…