No matter how badly our economy is doing – and according to numerous stories like this one…
…it’s doing badly.
But here’s one thing you can count on:
You can count on Sharper Image to make available exactly the necessary item or items you need to see you through these dark days.
I’m not talking about want.
I’m talking need.
And you need…
The Sharper Image NFL Hover Helmet:
Your weary eyes are not deceiving you – this item…
“…has an electromagnetic base that makes it levitate in midair 24/7, plus built-in LEDs for gentle illumination.”
The helmet is an “officially licensed, half-scale replica” that’s “designed to stay on 24/7.”
And talk about versatile, wow! The NFL Hover Helmet…
“Floats motionless in midair, or tap it to give it a slow spin.”
And in case you have any doubts about how necessary this item is to have a meaningful life, Sharper Image assures us that the NFL Hover Helmet is “a must-have for your office desk.”
But wait!
Before you plunk down $119.99 for this item – or more, since “it makes a great gift for any pro football fan” – consider pairing it with this:
The Sharper Image NFL Hover Football.
Yes!
Like the NFL Hover Helmet, the NFL Hover Football is officially licensed, half-scale, designed to stay on 24/7, and – as you were hoping – it, too, “floats motionless in midair, or tap it to give it a slow spin.”
But…brace yourself…the Hover Football also…
“…features built-in LEDs (now with an on/off switch), a USB port to charge devices and a Bluetooth speaker. Simply pair your smartphone and jam out to tunes while repping your favorite team!”
And at just $149.99, it, too, “makes a great gift for any pro football fan!”
But wait!
Or rather, don’t wait, because the NFL season has already started, and you don’t want your desk to look like this…
When you can proudly display this:
See?
Necessary items.
The Sharper Image Fall Preview 2021 catalog is packed with similar necessary items, and I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the next ones.
Especially since the holidays will be here before we know it, and we know holiday shopping can be stressful. Sometimes, in desperation, we resort to generic items, like gift cards and Maseratis and coffee mugs.
So here’s a Sharper Image item that they call the “Ultimate Personalized Gift,” and I call the…
The Sharper Image Custom Bobble Head:
And Double Custom Bobble Head!
Was I right about that “ultimate wow,” or what?
Doesn’t the Superman Bobble Head look exactly like the guy in the photo?
Isn’t that Double Bobble Head couple just double adorable?
All you do is place your order and…
“…you’ll receive a voucher in the mail that you can use yourself or give as a gift. Then, upload digital photos and choose a body style from over 1000 options, including sports, occupations, children, comedy and more! Our expert sculptors will recreate your image true to likeness. Only approve your Bobble Head when you are 100% satisfied.”
Easy peasy, and satisfaction guaranteed.
The catalog suggests that the Custom Bobble Head and Double Custom Bobble Head are perfect for Bobble Head collectors, and we all know plenty of those.
But to help us even more with our holiday shopping list, Sharper Image takes it a step further and suggests “For Children, For Her, For Him, Graduation, Holiday, Occupations, Sports, Wedding Cake Toppers and more.”
“Wedding Cake Toppers”? What an extra-ultimate idea!
You give the bride, your BFF, this perfect wedding gift:
Onto the wedding cake it goes, and at the reception, every guest who pauses to admire the cake will give those Bobble Heads a bobble.
Perhaps more than just one bobble, thanks to the open bar.
What fun!
And if the wedding cake ends up looking like this…
Instagram opportunity!
At just $99.99 for a single Bobble Head and $189.99 for a double Bobble Head, you can give everyone on your holiday shopping list exactly what they need in these troubling times:
Their own personal true-to-likeness Bobble Head.
But – and this is critical – don’t overlook yourself.
In fact, why not order several Custom Bobble Heads for yourself, including one for your desk at work?
Kind of a desk-on-desk à deux…
OK, I know I should stop.
Perhaps stop quite some time ago.
But that Sharper Image catalog is like AM/PM minimarts. You know…
Here’s my last – and perhaps most necessary – Sharper Image item for these challenging times.
Challenging – like when you can’t get the exact tee time you want for your $600 round of golf at Shadow Creek Golf Course:
Meet the Sharper Image Driver Drink Dispenser:
The item, says Sharper Image, “looks like a golf club and fits in any golf bag.”
For sure, it looks exactly like a golf club:
The description continues,
“It’s totally discreet and easy to use, and eliminates the need to carry cans or bottles onto the course. Great for ice water, iced tea, coffee or hot chocolate.”
For sure, because we all know golfers get thirsty, especially for “hot chocolate.”
The Driver Drink Dispenser:
- Holds 48 ounces.
- Is insulated for hot or cold beverages.
- Has a wide mouth for ice cubes and easy cleaning.
- Comes with its own long-handle bottle brush.
And at just $69.99, isn’t this the must-have for your long, hard day of golf?
Now there’s no need to slog all the way back to the 19th Hole – you can carry it with you!
And be “totally discreet” about it.
Unless, of course, after consuming those 48 ounces of “hot chocolate,” you end up like this …
I Hate Houseguests 