As F. Scott Fitzgerald Said…

The rich are different.

Countless examples abound.

Including – they buy stuff that’s completely out of the realm of most people’s reality – certainly mine.

For example, buying stuff like this, which happened May 8:

According to a May 9 article in the New York Times:

“In under four minutes of bidding, Andy Warhol’s 1964 silk-screen of the actress’ face, Shot Sage Blue Marilyn, sold for about $195 million to an unknown buyer at Christie’s in New York, making it the highest price achieved for any American work of art at auction.”

That price was small change, compared to this art purchase:

Prince and painting cropped smaller

In 2017, Saudi Arabia’s crown prince Mohammed bin Salman bought the Salvatore Mundi, a painting maybe by Leonardo da Vinci, for $450 million.

And this:

Dmitri and yacht cropped

In 2018, Russian businessman Dmitri Rybolovlev paid $250 million for this 360-foot yacht he named Anna.  Annual running costs:  $25 million for its upkeep.

And this:

Fur bag and woman no glasses cropped smaller

In 2022, yet another purchaser who wished to remain anonymous bought a Faux Wine Fur Bag from Frontgate.com for an undisclosed price.  Multiple media were quick to point out the striking resemblance between the Faux Wine Fur Bag (left) and Cousin Itt of The Addams Family:

Cousin It and Wine Bag cropped smaller

How did I learn about Frontgage.com?

The Backstory:

TMI Woman cropped smaller

Please bear with me while I briefly venture into the TMI zone.

TMI:  Too Much Information.

I was on the hunt for new towels for my husband, who’d developed a skin condition.

Among other things, the doctor suggested we invest in high-quality towels for him – the softer and fluffier, the better for his skin.

I’ll admit that our towels were somewhat old and tending toward threadbare.  Not as bad as this…

towels smaller

But there was definitely room for improvement.

So I went online to look for reviews to find the softest, fluffiest towels available.  And a number of reviewers let me to a company I’d never heard of:

Frontgate website smaller

Frontgate.

I read about something called “The Frontgate Difference”:

Frontgate Difference

And thought, “Uh-oh.  These towels are going to be expensive.”  And they were.

But my husband’s health was worth it, so we chose a set of towels and took out a second mortgage to pay for them.

Kidding.

Sort of.

The towels arrived and the hub used them and was pleased, so end of story, right?

For me – yes.

For Frontgate – no.

mail 1 cropped

Since then I’ve been barraged by Frontgate with postcards and catalogs and other stuff.  As soon as the first catalog arrived, I called Frontgate and asked to be removed from their mailing list.  The customer serviceperson assured me I would be.

But the stuff kept coming, the latest just recently:  a very-expensive-to-produce catalog that probably weighed about five pounds, was full color, 194 glossy pages with front and back full-color covers.

194 pages!

The barrage of mail began with this not-exactly-personal letter from Tom Bazzone, President, Frontgate:

Letter darker fixed smaller

The letter included a $50 gift card and an invitation to use the card “toward your next purchase.”

The “next purchase” I wanted to make wasn’t at Frontgate, but unfortunately, that’s the only place the gift card was valid.

So I thought, “Let’s go back to the Frontgate website and see what I can buy – for less than $50.”

I wanted to find something that the $50 gift card would cover, including taxes and shipping.  “That’ll show ‘em!” I thought.

I’m not sure whom I wanted to show what, but I thought there would be a certain amount of satisfaction in using that gift card at no cost to me.

On Frontgate.com I was introduced to a world of items that I didn’t know existed. 

And I was reminded that the rich really are different.

So much of the stuff on Frontgate was for people who live in a financial realm far removed from my reality, a realm that allows them to want, and to buy, for example…

Frontgate Float Bev Tray cropped smaller

A “Soleil Pool Float Beverage Tray,” $299 but for a limited time, just $239.20.”

“The floating tray is perfect for serving up snacks or drinks while you relax in the water.”

What they actually meant was,

“Your servants can bring out the floating tray for serving up snacks or drinks while you relax in the water.”

Perfect for me, except that…

  1. I don’t have servants.
  2. I don’t have a pool.
  3. It’s not under $50.

Back to searching.

Next up:

Frontgate Infuser cropped smaller

A “Porthole Infuser,” a steal at just $129, and perfect for…

Infusing every porthole in your mansion?

Further reading advised that:

“The Porthole Infuser is a striking infusion vessel that can be used to create cocktails, oils, teas, dressings, lemonade, coffee and more.”

Who knew?

There’s a video – underscored with dramatic music – that shows us we’ll require an engineering degree to disassemble this multi-part device, then reassemble all the parts, adding the stuff you want to infuse into other stuff:

Frontgate video clarity

So if you wanted to infuse something with, um…fruit salad?

Frontgate fruit salad clarity

Just add your ingredients, seal up the Porthole Infuser and…

Infuse away!

Perfect for me, except that…

  1. I have no idea what I’d infuse with what.
  2. I have no idea why I’d infuse what with what.
  3. It’s not under $50.

I was starting to feel like Frontgate shoppers don’t just live in a different financial realm, but on a different planet.

Back to my search.

But where, oh where, would I find something from Frontgate for under $50 including tax and shipping that might actually be useful in my less-than-McMansion life?

Voila 2 cropped fixed smaller

I found it!

Frontgate Two Wine Bags cropped smaller

“The Faux Fur Wine Bag is secured with a velvet string and has a luxurious look and feel that will make an impression.  Pair with a bottle of wine for an impressive gift.”

And they really do look like Cousin Itt!

Perfect for me, because:boones farm 1 clarily smaller

  1. The Faux Fur Wine Bag will keep white wine at that perfect 120-degree temperature.
  2. I most definitely will “make an impression” with my $3.99 bottle of Boone’s Farm Fuzzy Navel (pictured) tucked into the Faux Fur Wine Bag.
  3. It’s under $50!

So I’ve now revealed it:

The Big Story!

I do fit in with all those rich people who buy Pool Float Beverage Trays and Porthole Infusers and other things on Frontgate!

I – yes, I – am the purchaser who wished to remain anonymous!

I am the purchaser of the Cousin Itt – I mean, Faux Fur Wine Bag.

Or as Cousin Itt would say…and I’m quoting directly here…

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