To: Florida Governor Ron DeSantis
Re: Transporting Migrants to Martha’s Vineyard
Ron, you’re making lots of headlines these days regarding the events of September 14.
You know – September 14, when you sent two airplanes to pick up 50 Venezuelan migrants in San Antonio, TX to dump take them to Martha’s Vineyard in Massachusetts.
But before I get to those headlines, this event begs the question:
You’re the governor of Florida, so why did you want migrants from Texas?
According to the Migration Policy Institute:
You have nearly three-quarters of a million “unauthorized population” right there in the Sunshine State.
So, why migrants from Texas, Ron?
I found the answer to that question in a September 19 ClickOrlando.com article, which suggested you somehow knew that those 50 migrants in San Antonio were “intending to come to Florida.”
Were they standing around somewhere in San Antonio with signs reading “I’m Intending To Go To Florida”?
Well, back to those headlines.
Lots of headlines, Ron, and the look – well, may I be frank?
This is not a good look for you.
Here’s just a recent sampling:
Among the above and other sites was this, for example:
A Texas sheriff has opened a criminal inquiry into your “migrant stunt.”
And this September 20 article:
Suggests that what you did smacks of “family separation.”
And, uh-oh.
You and a bunch of other people are being sued:
“In addition to Gov. DeSantis, the lawsuit also named the state of Florida, Florida Department of Transportation Secretary Jared Perdue, and their accomplices as defendants.”
Ron, you have “accomplices”? Whew!
And this story, from a TV station in Jacksonville, FL…
…says that sending the two airplanes with migrants from Texas to Martha’s Vineyard cost $615,000.
That’s $615,000 of Florida taxpayers’ money, Ron.
And maybe some of my federal tax dollars, too?
No, this not a good look for you, Ron. Not a good look at all.
But don’t despair:
I can help you do better with your next move-the-migrants event.
We know you’re going to keep at – you’ve allocated lots of money for exactly that purpose:
“In June 2022, DeSantis signed the 2022-2023 Freedom First Budget, totaling $109.9 billion. That budget allocated $12 million for a ‘program within the Florida Department of Transportation (DOT) to transport unauthorized aliens’ out of the state.
“…the $12 million for that program is allocated to ‘facilitate the transport of illegal aliens to Martha’s Vineyard and other sanctuary states.’ DeSantis began proposing that Florida send migrants to the Vineyard and other locations as early as April 2022.”
But Ron, what if instead of spending taxpayers’ money to pick up migrants in Texas and put them on expensive airplanes to send them somewhere…
Why don’t you – as they say – think globally, act locally?
Locally, as in – why don’t you pick on pick up migrants right there in Florida?
And then move the migrants via a cheap, short bus trip to a local location?
“Local” meaning – this location:
Mar-a-Lago!
Ron, it’s right there in Florida, in Palm Beach!
Mar-a-Lago is owned by your good buddy:
And if you just explain what’s going on to Trump, I’m sure he’ll be fine with the idea.
Trump known for being a reasonable, rational kind of guy and all.
Ron, let’s look at the advantages of taking your migrants to Mar-a-Lago.
We’ll start with security.
Mar-a-Lago has a nice, big gate:
And just last year, we taxpayers paid big bucks for a security upgrade:
What’s that? I know, I know – when it comes to security, maybe Mar-a-Lago isn’t quite the greatest…
But wait!
The migrants you send there won’t have any reason to try and escape, because Mar-a-Lago has everything they need.
For instance, it has nice rooms:
And by that I mean available rooms – it says so, right on the Mar-a-Lago website:
“We will be happy to show any unoccupied room to…those who are interested in overnight stays. Please contact the Front Desk to schedule an appointment and to discuss room availability and pricing.”
Don’t worry about that “pricing” stuff.
I’m sure Trump will comp your migrants.
Mar-a-Lago has restaurants…
…with plenty of food for three squares a day – guests are…
“…welcome to dine for breakfast, lunch, dinner and Sunday brunch, and can choose to dine indoors in our opulent, historic Main Dining Room, in the Teahouse, or on the al fresco Patio.”
And if the migrants need a change of clothes and/or some toiletries, the Trump Boutique…
…carries…
“…plush Frette bathrobes, tee shirts encrusted with Swarovski crystals, aromatic candles, the Trump Signature line of skin care & body products and much more.”
I know the migrants will especially appreciate those “tee shirts encrusted with Swarovski crystals” – just the thing to wear to their asylum hearings, yes?
And Ron, you don’t need to pay for taxis to take the migrants to their hearings, because Mar-a-Lago offers transportation:
“Four (4) types of luxury vehicles from TRUMP National Transportation Service’s fleet will be available to accommodate the various transportation needs of…single individuals to large groups.”
And Mar-a-Lago offers so much more – a fitness center, a spa, and I mustn’t forget the Mar-a-Lago Club:
“…an oceanfront experience unlike anything ever had before. The complex includes a 132-foot by 50-foot pool, whirlpool, a private beach, and a charming full-service beachfront Bistro.”
Plus, with stunning artwork like this to admire…
And all that interesting, easily available reading material…
By the way, Ron – just between you and me – did you get a load of the ugly carpet?
Talk about tacky!
But other than that…
Your migrants should be quite content at Mar-a-Lago.
And no worries about anyone expecting Trump’s Mar-a-Lago neighbors to open their generous arms and hearts to the migrants, like the folks on Martha’s Vineyard did:
No, no worries about that at all.
And Ron, I’m telling you, if you send your migrants to Mar-a-Lago, there won’t be any talk about pesky “class action lawsuits.”
No sheriffs starting a “criminal inquiry.”
No one suggesting you’re forcing “family separation.”
No, your migrants will happily stay at Mar-a-Lago…
And thank you for it!
What’s that you say? You don’t think Trump would like your migrants-to-Mar-a-Lago plan?
Look, I know you and Trump have had your differences…
Ouch! “Gutless”?
Wow, that must have really hurt a sensitive guy like you.
But you and your buddy Trump can work that out.
And then…
Won’t that be great?
And Ron – if, after all this, you’re still fixated on flying migrants out of state, then at least consider saving us taxpayers some money on the transportation and consider this alternative.
Now that you and Trump are BFFs again, don’t pay to charter this:
Just tell Trump you want to borrow this:
He won’t be needing his plane for a long, long time.
Not where he’s going:
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