This Pain On The Plane Is Talking About Spain:

Not content with pouring his lies into the ears of gullible Americans, on October 9 Donald Trump spewed his verbal diarrhea at a far-right political rally in Spain.

According to this article:

“Former U.S. President Donald Trump threw his weight behind Spain’s far-right Sunday in a video shown at a rally in Madrid that also featured messages by the leading stars of Europe’s populist right like Italy’s Giorgia Meloni and Hungary’s Viktor Orban.”

I couldn’t help but imagine the prep work that was involved when Trump’s toadies approached him about recording the video.

Toady #1:  Good morning, sir.  Are you enjoying your breakfast Big Macs?

Trump (mouth full, chewing):  Mummphe jogabvile mmm (swallow) can’t a guy (chewing) plubemink laj-ing breamck around here?

Toady #2:  Sir, we’re here to suggest you record a video for an upcoming rally in Spain of far-right leaders.

Trump (still chewing):  Whaddaya mean(belches), “far-right leaders”?  I’m the far-right leader!  Right?  I’m right – right?  Not left.  I can never keep that straight.

Toady #3:  Yes, sir, you are the first and foremost far-right leader.  These are…ah…secondary far-right leaders.

Trump:  You’re damn right I am.  So what are these – a bunch of guys from those shithole countries?

Toady #4:  No, sir!  These are European far-right leaders.

Trump:  Oh, Europe.  Yeah.  They love me over there.  The queen?  You know, what’s-her-name?  She loves me.  She told me that, when I was talking to her the other day.

Toady #5:  Sir, are you…referring to…um…Queen Elizabeth?  The queen who died on September 8?

Trump:  She did?  She croaked?  Why didn’t you dumbasses tell me?  What the hell am I paying you for?  Fucking overpaying you, I should say!

Toady #1:  Sir, ah…we did tell you.  And sent a lovely floral arrangement in your name.

Trump: Why didn’t I go to the funeral?

Today #3: Ah…um…Sir. You, ah…weren’t invited.

Trump: Oh, yeah, I remember. I was too busy to go.


Trump (belches again):  So what’s this rally crap?  Did you say something about Spain?  Oh, yeah – that’s in South America.  I’ve been there.


Toady #5:  The rally is this Sunday, and will also feature messages by some of Europe’s populist right leaders like Italy’s Giorgia Meloni and Hungary’s Viktor Orban.

Trump:  Never heard of ‘em.

Toady #2:  Um, sir?  You met with Viktor Orban in August?  Here, I’ve got a picture on my phone…

Trump:  Nope.  Never met him.  What was that other name?  George somebody?

Toady #4:  Giorgia Meloni, sir.  Last month her party won the most votes in Italy’s national election, and she’s likely to be Italy’s first female premier.

Trump:  A broad?  Another broad in charge, like that #@!%&*#! Pelosi?  Goddamnit, voters are so stupid!  I’ve said that a million times.  Another broad.  So, you got a picture of her?

Toady #3:  Yes, sir, that’s Ms. Meloni, sir, right there!

Trump (incredulous):  Her?  Are you fuckin’ kidding me?  She’s fat! 

Toady #5:  Sir, if we could get back to your video for the rally…

Trump:  Forget it.  I don’t wanna share the stage with no friggin’ fat lady.

Toady #2:  Sir, the rally is for Spain’s far-right party Vox and its leader, Santiago Abascal.

Trump:  Abba what?  What is with these people and their weird names?

Toady #4:  Santiago Abascal, sir.  Here, I’ve got a picture…that’s him on the left.

Trump:  Abascal, you said?  Where’s this guy from?

Toady #1:  Spain, sir.

Trump:  A spic, right?  What the hell kind of rally is this?  Spics are all drug dealers and murderers, throw in some fat ladies – what is this?  A circus or something?

Toady #3:  No, sir!  And –

Trump (interrupting):  And who’s that other guy in the picture?

Toady #5:  On the right – that’s Viktor Orban, sir.  The president of Hungary?  You met him in –

Trump (interrupts):  Who?  Nope, never met him.

Toady #4:  Sir, your video would be a short, congratulatory message to Santiago Abascal that will be seen at the Vox party’s annual rally.  Vox is the third-largest force in the Spanish Parliament.  Its platform is described as anti-immigrant and anti-Islam, and among other things, it’s sought to roll back legislation aimed at protecting women from gender violence, claiming it discriminates against men.

Trump:  You’re damn right that gender crap discriminates against men!  All a guy has to do is say “pussy” a couple a times and women are screaming about their “rights” and whining about “misconduct” this and “assault” that, and –

Toady #2 (coughs to interrupt):  Vox also embraces the legacy of General Francisco Franco’s 20th-century dictatorship.

Trump:  Franco?  Franco!  Now, there’s a guy I can get behind.  He invented those SpaghettiOs, you ever had them?  With meatballs?  Good stuff. 

Trump:  I think I’ll have that for lunch today.  Is it lunchtime?  Will one of you dummies tell what’s-his-name I want SpaghettiOs for lunch?

Toady #3:  So the video, sir?  We’ll have prepared remarks that will last about 40 seconds, and it will all be on cue cards.  We’ll shoot the video while you’re on the plane going to the rally in Arizona.


Toady #1:  Sir?

Trump:  Who else is gonna be at this spic rally?  Anybody important?  I mean real important, besides me?

Toady #5:  Sir, I’m told there will also be video appearances by former Colombian President Álvaro Uribe, Chilean right-wing politician José Antonio Kast, and –

Trump (explodes):  Spics!  They’re ALL SPICS!  I said IMPORTANT people!

Toady #4 (quietly):  Ah, well…sir?  Um…Senator Cruz is also preparing a video?

Trump:  I said IMPORTANT people and…Wait.  Cruz?  Cruz is one of the speakers?  Texas Ted?  Lyin’ Ted?

Toady #3:  Yes, sir, and –

Trump (interrupting):  You want me to share stage time with Lyin’ Ted Cruz?  You want an example of his lies?  Here, I’ve got plenty of ‘em on my phone…Yeah!  Here’s what he said about me in 2016:  that I’m a “pathological liar, a narcissist, a serial philanderer, a sniveling coward…”

Toady #1:  Sir, if you’d like to review your script for the video –

Trump (interrupting):  And Cruz said, and this is a direct quote:  “If I were in my car and getting ready to reverse and saw Donald in the backup camera, I’m not confident which pedal I’d push.”  Cruz said that!  He threatened to kill me!  To kill the president!

Toady #5:  Sir, that was during the presidential campaign before you were president, and –

Trump (enraged):  I WAS PRESIDENT THEN AND I’M PRESIDENT NOW!  The 2020 election was stolen!  Ask Mike Lindell, the Pillow Guy!  He’ll be at the rally in Arizona – ask him!

Toady #3:  Sir, I’m sure Senator Cruz was speaking metaphorically.  In his video he’s going to talk about conservative populists, who share the values of God, and country and family and freedom.”

Trump:  Oh, fine – now Cruz is stealing my lines.  What the hell am I gonna talk about?

Toady #2:  Well, sir, you’ll thank Santiago Abascal for the incredible job he does, and how we all have to make sure we protect our borders and –

Trump (interrupting):  And yadda yadda yadda.  Jesus!  And I suppose I’m supposed to talk about how great Spain is and all that crap?


Trump:  All right, all right!  I’ll do the frigging video.  Now get out of here and get me my goddamn lunch!

Toadies (in unison):  Sir, yes, sir!  (the toadies exit)

Trump (yelling):  And tell ‘em I want some Franco Ravioli, too!  The Garfield stuff!

Trump (to himself):  That Garfield, he’s a huge fan of mine.  HUGE.  I’m gonna get him to come to my next rally!

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