Dear California Residents:  Thank You For Your Generosity!

Dear California Residents: 

Thanks to you, we five major oil refineries that supply most of California’s gasoline – Chevron, Marathon Petroleum, PBF Energy, Valero Energy and Phillips 66 – are going to have our best year and merriest Christmas – ever!

You know that hearing we all skipped on November 29?

Yes, they were all ready for us.  See – five nameplates, and five empty chairs, all set up but no one to sit in them:

We no-showed!

HO, HO, HO!

We heard all about the meeting, of course.

Including what that blabbermouth from that advocacy group Consumer Watchdog said.

You know – that part about how our companies posted profits of $67.6 billion in the first nine months of 2022, up from $17.6 billion during the same period last year?

Well, it’s true!  And we’re proud of that! 

Isn’t that…

The American Way?

We’re glad you agree!

No, we didn’t need to go to no stinkin’ meeting to hear those Consumer Watchdog whiners.

Instead, we skipped the meeting, and were we smart!  We told a girl to go as our representative.  We knew those people would badmouth us, but not a girl.  What – and risk making her cry?

So the girl – Catherine Reheis-Boyd, or something like that – she’s the president of the Western States Petroleum Association.  At the meeting she said…

“The factors that determine gasoline and diesel market cost are complicated.  In-state production is artificially limited by government policy and local and state policy is causing for production of fuel to fall faster than production.”

Talk about baffling with your bullshit! 

Some other whiners complained about how California’s average statewide price for a gallon of gas was nearly $5 on Tuesday, about $1.48 more than the national average. 

Tuesday, schmoozday!

Everything costs more in California, dummy!  It’s called “The Sun Tax!” 

And in case you don’t know what that means, it means everything costs more in California, dummy!

And if you don’t want to pay the Sun Tax, move to North Dakota – no Sun Tax there!

And Governor Newsom – don’t get us started on him

On the same day as the meeting, Newsom called a special session of the Legislature for this coming Monday, December 5, to “pass a price-gouging penalty on oil companies that choose to rake in excessive profits at the expense of Californians.”

We’re not worried – it’ll be business as usual at that special session…

Finally, in keeping with the holiday season, we’ll wrap this up with our warmest thanks for a great 2022. 

We look forward to gouging providing you with all the gasoline you want in 2023!

From…

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