Dear Mr. Maxwell:
I am so excited to receive your email – excited and grateful!
I had no idea that I had a rich relative. This is amazing news!
And not just rich – to quote you, the amount is “twelve million eight hundred thousand euros,” which translates into $14,875,507.20 at today’s exchange rate. And let’s don’t forget that 20¢!
Because I’m smart, I did wonder if this was one of those scams I hear about – “too good to be true” and all that stuff. But the reason I know you’re for real is that you don’t tell me to “Click Here” for more information, and then my computer blows up. And you didn’t ask me for money, like some of those scams. As if I would fall for that!
I will confess that I’m a bit confused about why, if my relative died in “May 2003” that you’re only contacting me now, more than 15 years later? On the other hand, when I think of all the interest that’s accrued on that €12.8 million euros – no problem!
I’ll confess to a bit more confusion, with your saying your law firm is located in “Iome Togo” – I could not find that on a map. Until I discovered that your “Iome” is actually Lomé, the capital of Togo, in West Africa! I consider myself something of an expert sleuth and I enjoyed that challenge. I like digging deep and figuring things out – nobody can pull the proverbial wool over my eyes!
Speaking of figuring things out, “Togo” is such a funny name for a country – like togo cups!
And speaking of confusion – I’m referring to the other typos in your email. I didn’t want to be rude and ask why you didn’t have one of your secretaries type this, but then I realized that you’re doing that secret-secret Client/Attorney Privilege thing that I’ve seen on Law & Order. You’re smart, too!
So – what’s our next step? Verify that I actually am a relative of your client? Well, we do have the same surname, and it’s not all that common. I’m pretty sure I haven’t met another person with the last name “Johnson” except my family, so I’m sure you’re client is part of my family!
Since you didn’t give me your phone number, maybe I should come to Lomé, Togo in West Africa to meet with you? It’s probably the least I can do after you took all that time to track down me, and only me. For sure I’d like to shake your hardworking hand and say, “Thanks, Mr. Maxwell!”
And thanks to you, I can afford the airfare! Oh, when I think of all the charitable good works I can do with that money…Liposuction, tummy tuck, my nose (for sure my nose), a Ferrari – no, make that a Jaguar. No, make it both!
But in the meantime, just to make sure we’re on the same page, I’ll give you my PIN, checking account and Social Security numbers and you can just go ahead and deposit the money now. For sure that €12.8 million euros – plus 15 years interest – is going to make my stupid bank manager stand up and take notice. He’s bounced a couple of my checks lately and I’m really annoyed with him.
Mr. Maxwell, I feel like we’re on our way to being Best Friends Forever!
Sincerely, and I do mean that!