And there’s nothing I can do about it.
Which makes me madder than Hell.
Why?
My favorite coffee creamer has been discontinued.
Arbitrarily. Recklessly. Thoughtlessly.
Clearly, Coffee mate® wasn’t thinking about me when it stopped making my flavor of choice: The Original Fat Free, Cholesterol Free.
And since it’s all about me – what were they thinking?
That’s right: After failing to find my flavor in three supermarkets, I called Coffee mate and was advised they’d discontinued making my one and only.
Really thoughtless.
Now, if you’re thinking, “Coffee creamer? Is she serious?”
I am.
I love my coffee, and I love my coffee exactly so:
- Hot.
- Decaf.
- Artificial creamer.
Well, I assume my Coffee mate is artificial when it lists ingredients including:
- Sodium caseinate.
- Dipotassium phosphate.
- Diglycerides.
But here’s why I’ve preferred my flavor of Coffee mate for years:
- It tastes great.
- Fat: 0%.
- Cholesterol: 0%.
Seriously, how many things have 0% fat and 0% cholesterol and actually taste great?
I wasn’t always enamored with Coffee mate (and yes, it’s two words, second word with a lower-case “m”).
My earliest recollection is being on an airplane and asking for coffee with cream and sugar. The flight attendant handed me a cup of coffee, a packet of sugar, and a small, flat package of something called “Coffee mate.”
“May I get cream?”
“This is cream,” she said.
“This” was as close to cream as North Pole to South Pole.
Opening the sugar was no problem – the paper was thin and tore easily.
But this Coffee mate stuff? The packet was some sort of foil that was uncooperative, and
when I finally managed to open it, half of the powdery contents spilled onto my tray table.
Skeptical, I poured the remainder into my coffee, where it immediately congealed into pale, assorted-sized lumps that defied dissolving.
Yuck.
So I avoided Coffee mate for years, until I noticed a liquid form at the supermarket. Still skeptical, I tried The Original Fat Free, Cholesterol Free and…
I made a commitment to Coffee mate, but Coffee mate didn’t make one to me.
Perhaps because they were too busy making other things, specifically, flavored Coffee mate, and now a veritable plethora of choices has crowded out my favorite:
And since they have that Cheesecake Factory thing – Dessert-In-A-Cup, as it were – why 
not keep it going?
- Bacon And Egg Flavor – Breakfast-In-A-Cup!
- Big Mac And Fries Flavor – Lunch-In-A-Cup!
- Steak And Caesar Flavor – Dinner-In-A-Cup!
Refusing to rest on their laurels, Coffee mate has also created new products: Fifteen flavors of “natural bliss,” and yes, that lower case “n” and “b” are also deliberate.
Plus two more products called Artisan Café, and yup – they’re still doing that wretched powder stuff, with 11 to choose from.
Nearly 50 products – so many choices, and none of them mine.
So here it is – my last bottle of The Original Fat Free, Cholesterol Free Coffee mate, possibly the last one in existence.
And it’s final resting place:
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I thought the skull at the top of the headstone was a nice touch.
