Book Review:  Why Is Olive Obsessed With Her Breasts?

Publication date:  May 2019

Review, short version:  Two skunks out of four.

Review, long version:

I was in the mood for some light reading, and I happened across Christina Lauren’s The Unhoneymooners.

I hadn’t heard of her, who turns out to be a them – they’re the writing team of Christina Hobbs and Lauren Billings, and they’ve published more than 20 books.

The premise of The Unhoneymooners sounded light (if not particularly original), and possibly funny.

And the first-person narrator, Olive, is funny.

At first.

We meet twin sisters, Olive and Ami.  Olive feels she’s the drab twin, invisible next to lovely, sparkling Ami (twin rivalry – as I said, not particularly original):

Ami’s wedding to handsome Dane is approaching.

Dane has an older brother, Ethan, whom Olive considers gorgeous but “a prickly, judgmental asshole.”

And early on there are some funny exchanges between Olive and Ethan.

Early on I also learned that Olive is obsessed with her breasts, which are large, and which she often refers to as “boobs.”

I realize that “boobs” is a common slang term.

I hate it.

And I quickly grew to hate how often Olive talked about her boobs.

Page 11:  “I give up worrying about the dress – and how much boob I’m going to have on display for the entire wedding and reception.”

It wasn’t too frequent in the beginning, but the further the book progressed, the worse it got.  She refers to her breasts as a “rack” twice on page 136.  And there’s more:

Page 137:  “Breasts.  Boobs.  Jugs.  Knockers.”

Page 137:  “Your fake new wife [Olive referring to herself] has great boobs.”

Page 187:  “Careful to keep the boobage below the surface, I reach for a towel.”

Page 189:  “He mimes squeezing, like he’s going to honk my boobs.”

Page 208:  “The twins look amazing,” (referring to her breasts).

Page 236:  “I reach for his hand, and the movement accidentally presses my boobs together…Ethan is definitely a boob man.”

In addition to obsessing about her breasts, Olive often tells Ethan to “Shut up.”

I hate that, too.

She kicks Ethan at least twice, and elbows him in the stomach.

Yes, Ethan is Olive’s love interest.  If this is love as portrayed by…

I’m reminded why I rarely read romance novels.

So, despite 4.5 stars on Amazon, nearly 600 reviews with 90% four- and five-stars…

If I’m in the mood for something light, when it comes to Christina Lauren books…