I have no doubt that Jared Kushner – son-in-law and advisor to Trump – has been of inestimable value during their White House tenure:
“Daddy-Don, I think the blue and red striped tie today.”
“Daddy-Don, I think your hair needs a touch more Goldy-Gold, and let’s lift the front swoosh a bit.”
“Daddy-Don, the Orange #23 makeup is better than the Orange #25 for a daytime Rose Garden press conference.”
Yup, Kushner’s advice is priceless.
One recent day, Kushner was sitting in his plush office, debating the benefits of emphasizing “witch hunt” vs. “shame that shouldn’t be allowed” vs. “unconstitutional hoax” when an idea flashed across the dark void that passes for his brain:
“I can suck up to Daddy-Don and launch yet another fabulously successful career at the same time! I will be so successful that Daddy-Don will get re-elected, and I won’t have to think about getting a real job for another four years!
“We’ll set up cameras and stuff along the border to film the stupendous progress of Daddy-Don’s glorious border wall construction!
“Yeah, that’s it! I’ll direct the first-ever building-the-border-wall action film, and we’ll do wide distribution on Fox News! We’ll even livestream it!”
There were objections, of course – but no great artist ever pushes the boundaries without some fuddy-duddies raising pesky objections. Think of Da Vinci, Van Gogh, Picasso – they all faced objections and ignored them, and just like them, so is another great artist: Kushner.
He’s ignoring pesky objections about filming from:
- U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.
- U.S. Customs and Border Protection.
He’s ignoring pesky objections that broadcasting construction could:
- Reveal “proprietary techniques” to competitors.
- Cause outrage among Mexican officials if construction crews were seen straying south of the border.
So pesky!
Our Kushner pressed on, bravely continuing to push for his border wall livestream:
Why, one senior White House official even described Kushner’s demands as “aggressive”!
Now Kushner – or J.K., and he now prefers to be called on the film set – has the opportunity to really hone his directorial skills.
As you can see from this 11/12/19 Washington Post image:
The construction plan is for 166 miles to be completed in Texas before the end of 2020.
But less than four miles have been completed since 2017.
Let’s do the math.
That’s a rate of four miles in two years or two miles in one year.
At the rate of two miles per year, this stretch of construction will take 81 years – until…
That gives Kushner – I mean, J.K. – lots of time to triumph in his new directorial career!
And that gives smugglers lots of time to practice cutting through that new wall with $100 saws from their local hardware store:
Perhaps J.K. will meet some of those smugglers, and negotiate with them. He is known for his great negotiating skills.
I can just hear him saying to the smugglers,
¿Te gustaría trabajar como extra en mi película? (Would you like to work as extras on my movie?)
After all, J.K. has already demonstrated his negotiating skills – remember this?
Just look at these examples of J.K.’s negotiating success in bringing peace to the Middle East!
So his negotiation skills will come in handy because guess what?
Again, from the 11/12/19 Washington Post, Daddy-Don’s administration has only acquired four miles of the 162 miles of land needed to put the new border wall on!
But no worries, because Daddy-Don has already paved the way, as it were, to acquiring the land:
So now, with Daddy-Don’s approval, J.K. can just cruise up to the property owners’ homes, and tell the owners,
“Daddy-Don said to take as much of your land as we want to build his wall so he can get re-elected and I won’t have to think about getting a real job for another four years!”
I can just hear J.K. on the film set now, giving his best directorial directions:
I Hate Houseguests 