A conversation between two members of the Trump campaign was caught on an open mike on December 11, shortly after Time magazine announced Greta Thunberg as the magazine’s Person of the Year.
We have that conversation, and unlike so many things these days, this is the full conversation, that is, unredacted, and in its entirety. Let’s listen to it now:
Trumper 1: He is so pissed. I’ve never seen him so pissed.
Trumper 2: Yeah. Not even that picture of him going up the steps to Air Force One, with the toilet paper stuck on his shoe? Remember that? Not even that pissed him off this much.
Trumper 1: Bad enough that he was one of the Person of the Year finalists and lost. But he lost – to a girl!
Trumper 2: Yeah! A 16-year-old girl who’s running around all doomy and gloomy because it’s getting a little warmer. What’s the big deal? I like warm weather!
Trumper 1: Did you see the tweet he sent out about it? “Greta must work on her anger management problem” – brilliant!
Trumper 2: Of course it was brilliant. And now WE have to do something brilliant or heads are going to roll.
Trumper 1: Yeah, but what?
Trumper 2: What we always do – another tweet!
Trumper 1: OK, but what about?
Trumper 2: Well, we…we…uh…
Trumper 1: Wait. Wait. It’s coming to me.
Trumper 1: OK. We take that cover of Time magazine…
Trumper 2: And…
Trumper 1: And we use his head to cover up her head! Look (tapping on keyboard), I’ll just bring up the Time magazine cover…add his head…and…
Trumper 2: Ah, OK…um… We put the head of a 73-year-old guy on a 16-year-old girl?
Trumper 1 (lowers voice): Shhh! You know he hates anyone talking about how he’s old and all that shit.
Trumper 2 (whispering): Put the head of a 73-year-old guy on a 16-year-old girl?
Trumper 1 (shouting): Yeah! He’ll love it!
Trumper 2: You don’t, um, think that’s a little creepy?
Trumper 1: Creepy? Sure, but so what? What matters is that he’ll love it! He’ll see it as a, you know – “Trump Triumphs Over Teen With Anger Management Issues!”
Trumper 2: Is that the tweet’s headline?
Trumper 1: No. The headline will be something about keeping promises – you know he’s big on that – and how all that makes him the real Person of the Year.
Trumper 2: OK, so you mean, like, when he promised that Mexico would pay for the wall…
Trumper 1: NO!
Trumper 2: Or how he’ll be too busy to play golf when he’s president…
Trumper 1: NO, NO, NO!
Trumper 2: Or when he promised American families that he’d work for them rather than wealthy donors and corporate interests?
Trumper 1 (sighs): No.
Trumper 2: I know! He was just in Pennsylvania, right? Remember back during the campaign, when he said, “We will be opening brand new factories across this state”?
Trumper 2 (sounding desperate): OK, then you mean – like reducing the national debt? And getting rid of Obamacare and replacing it with…um… And fixing our infrastructure? And denuclearizing North Korea? Wait! What about when he said, “I will take care of women, and I have great respect for women. I do cherish women, and I will take care of women.”
Trumper 1: No, you moron. I mean like the economy, and that stuff. We do a list, put that above the picture and…and…
Trumper 2: And check marks? For the promises he says he’s kept?
Trumper 1 (surprised): Yeah! That’s a great idea! I guess you’re not a total moron.
Trumper 2: Gosh, thanks!
Trumper 1: OK. Let’s do a list of the promises he’s kept.
(Extremely long silence)
Trumper 1: OK. Instead, let’s do a list of the promises he’s made.
Trumper 2: Sure, that should be easy.
December 12, 2019: