Dear Netflix…

Dear Netflix,

As you can see from the above picture, someone or something very scary at the Post Office took a big bite out of the DVD mailer you sent to me.

And then a USPS employee put a “Return to Sender” sticker on it:

The sticker has 14 options but none were checked – perhaps the box-checking USPS employee was off that day?

And then another USPS employee – instead of returning it to Netflix – delivered it to me.

I’m relatively new to Netflix.  After we went into shelter-in-place, I went into denial, hoping it wouldn’t last long.  But when it did, I wanted – needed – a reliable source for movies, so I turned to Netflix.

I didn’t have a reliable source for toilet paper or hand sanitizer or paper towels or toilet paper or bottled water or rubber gloves or napkins or face masks or toilet paper or canned goods or – did I mention toilet paper?

But movies?

Netflix, I knew I could count on you.

Apparently, so did a lot of other people:

A lot of these millions are streaming your movies, but I haven’t yet made that technology leap.  So while those folks are streaming, I’m getting regular deliveries of DVDs and everything was swell.

Until someone or something very scary at the post office took that bite.

I donned my rubber gloves – yes, I finally found a source for rubber gloves – and cautiously opened what was left of the mailer.

I peered inside…

The DVD appeared to be intact!

So I’ll watch and enjoy my movie.

Then comes the challenge of returning it.

When the mailer is intact, it’s easy – just slide the DVD back in, pull off the strip covering the adhesive, seal it and drop it in a mailbox.

I can’t seal it, so – staples?  Frog Tape?  Gorilla Glue?

Padded envelope?  Box it up?  Hire someone to deliver it in a briefcase handcuffed to their wrist?

However I send it back, I hope Netflix understands it wasn’t me, but rather someone or something very scary at the Post Office took that bite.

Remember landshark?

Well, meet…