When Is “Your Clothes Smell Like Smoke” A Compliment?

There are multitudinous objections to people smoking, and one of the non-health-related is, “Ewww!  Your clothes smell like smoke!”

So why, I wondered, would anyone buy clothes that smell like smoke?

This was a widely covered story last October that I somehow managed to miss, but saw in an end-of-the-year stories recap.

It’s all about Arby’s, the drive-through/dine-in restaurant with this tagline:

And, showing their sensitivity to our current world:

This time around, the promotion was all about Arby’s Real Country Style Rib Sandwich:

And what better way to promote a sandwich, than with…

Clothes that smell like smoke?

And who is Arby’s audience for the smokey clothes?  A tweet from Arby’s begins:

“Made for everyone who has ever thought, ‘I wish my sweats were smoked over hickory wood by a Texas pitmaster…’”

Which begs the question:

Have you, or has anyone you know, ever thought this?

Of course not.

Here’s the full tweet from Arby’s:

Product info:  According to this article:

The garments are:

“…hand-smoked by real pitmasters at the legendary Sadler’s Smokehouse in East Texas Sadler’s.”

No, those aren’t slabs of brisket – they’re Arby’s Smoked Sweats.

“The new sweats – made by apparel company Stateline – come in an iconic burgundy shade, as an ode to the traditional pitmaster uniform.  The limited-edition Smoked Sweats are vacuum sealed onsite to preserve the maximum smoky infusion.

“Hoodies are sized S-XXL and retail for $65, while Sweatpants are sized M-XXLand retail for $50.”

So…$115 for a smokey sweatsuit that, after the first time you wash it, doesn’t smell like smoke anymore?

Of course you’re wondering who came up with this idea, and the Arby’s Smoked Sweats website has the answer:

“When you’re sitting in a smokehouse, smoking the meat for the Arby’s Real Country Style Rib Sandwich for hours and hours over real hickory wood, your brain starts to wander.”

I expect my brain would start to wander.  If there’s anything left of my brain after sitting in a smokehouse “for hours and hours.”

“You begin to wonder what a pair of premium sweats might smell like if they, too, were smoked over real hickory wood for hours.  Well, Arby’s found out.”

I don’t think I’d be wondering what a pair of smoked sweats might smell like.

I think I’d be wondering if was such a thing as fake hickory wood and if so, does it come from fake hickory trees?

I found that yes – there are fake hickory trees:

And fake hickory trees are used to make vinyl-that-looks-like-hickory flooring:

But I digress.

By now you’ve surmised that I think the idea of paying for smoke-smelling clothes is ridiculous, but this October article…

…showed me how wrong I can be.  That $115 two-piece smokey sweatsuit:

“Both items sold out almost immediately…”

A visit to ArbysSmokedSweats.com confirmed this:

There’s a reason why Arby’s is so vague about what they were going to “throw in the smoker next,” as I found in this article:

“While the first drop of the sweats sold out quickly on October 4, consumers have another chance to grab the limited-edition sweats on Monday, October 11 at Noon EST before they are gone for good!”

“Gone for good.”

So, if you want smokey clothes you’re going to have to try some alternatives.

Like cozying up to some smoldering ruins:

Hanging out in an airport smoking lounge:

Maybe moving next door to a nuclear power plant:

You could go to Arby’s online store and buy their meat-scented wrapping paper and make your own clothes:

Or, you can just go on Arby’s Instagram page and do what these folks did – complain about this…and other stuff…

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