“What The World Needs Now” …Is It Really Another One of These?

To say that there’s been a lot going on in the news would be the grossest of understatements.

So, amidst all the sound and fury, it’s understandable if we miss a story here or there.

Even a story that was carried in many media outlets including The New York Times, Associated Press, Time, Smithsonian, CBS, NBC, and internationally by the BBC.

First there was the Big Reveal:  A new product had been invented!coming-soon (2)

Then there was the Big Build-up:  Coming soon!

Then the Big Debut:  It’s here!

Never mind that the world already had about 7,500 varieties of this item.

Apparently, what the world needed now was one…more…

apple_01 cropped larger

At least, that’s what the researchers at Washington State University (WSU) decided, and then spent 20 years studying and developing.

It’s not the cure for a life-threatening disease.

It’s not peace in the Middle East.

It’s not even a better mouse trap.

It’s an apple.

yawn cropped

Specifically, the Cosmic Crisp® brand apple.

Not only does it have its own registered trademark, the Cosmic Crisp® has a $10 million marketing budget, a website, Instagram account, line of promotional items, and its own transportation:

CosmicCrisp_Logo_Rocket cropped.png

I wasn’t kidding about the media coverage:

Headline BBC (2)

Headline LA Times (2)

Headline Beyonce (2)

Yes, Smithsonian called the Cosmic Crisp “the Beyoncé of apples” which I’m sure was intended as a mutual compliment, though it’s uncertain how Beyoncé feels about that.

Why “Cosmic Crisp”?

According to the Smithsonian article,

“Consumer focus groups helped give Cosmic Crisp its name, which alludes to gas-02 (3) fixedwhite specks on its skin that create ‘the image of stars against red sky,’ writes WSU.  The reality is perhaps a little less romantic; as Ellen Gutoskey of Mental Floss points out, the dots are lenticels, or ‘porous openings that allow the apple to exchange gases with its environment.’”

I think we can guess how Beyoncé would feel about that.

Those same creative folks at WSU also said this on the Cosmic Crisp website:

“…a new variety that will change the face of the industry and win enthusiasm among consumers with a combination of taste, texture, and usability.  The Cosmic Crisp® apple demonstrates how the science of breeding and the art of imagination can work together to create an utterly new and delightful apple.”

“Utterly new”?

Checklist (2).jpg

“Utterly new”?


I’d said earlier that there were already around 7,500 varieties of apples, and it occurs to me that the brainiacs at Washington State University might have better spent their time, energy and money developing something we didn’t already have 7,500 varieties of.

But despite all the much-adoing about not much, and the $10 million and the hype and website and Instagram account and spaceship…

I decided to give Cosmic Crisp a try.

And I can tell you this with absolute certainty:

The Cosmic Crisp bears absolutely no resemblance to Beyoncé:

apple cropped smaller beyonce cropped reversed


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