What Will $50,000 Get You These Days?

If you, like most of us, have $50,000 just laying around that you don’t need for boring stuff like food or clothes or a place to live…

And that $50,000 is burning the proverbial hole in your pocket…

And you’re ready to spend it but you’re not sure on what…

I can help.

What will your $50,000 get you these days?

How about an umbrella?  Everyone needs one of those.

At $50,000, the Billionaire Couture Umbrella is the world’s most expensive.  Made of black top-quality, water-resistant crocodile skin, every umbrella is also given its own complex detail, guaranteed to be “completely unique.”


How about this $50,000 diamond-encrusted Bluetooth headset from Plantronics?

This limited-edition gold and diamond treasure was created for the hands-free phone user who has everything, especially those concerned that the ugly plastic Bluetooth is overpowering their gold and diamond earrings.

Of course, all lists of $50,000 items should include a car, like this one:

Now, a word of caution:  This BMW Z4 is listed at around $50,000, BUT it’s a 2020.  And, says the website, “Prices will increase as you choose a trim with more features or add options.”  But if you don’t mind a stripped-down second-hand car, for $50K it’s yours.

Here’s a recent $50,000 option:

According to the article,

“UC San Diego’s Birch Aquarium is selling the naming rights to its Little Blue Penguins for $50,000 apiece.”

I’m a great fan of penguins, but I became aware of Little Blue Penguins only recently.  I did some research, and these guys are pretty darn cute.  They’re the smallest penguin – only about a foot tall – and they really are blue:

The Birch Aquarium is home to 10 Little Blues, but the naming rights have already been claimed for five of them, so – you’d better hurry.

There are four suggestions for how to spend that $50,000 of yours.

But if none of them resonates, here’s one more suggestion:

No, no – not the entire jet.

Your $50,000 will buy you a 1/2000th share of one of these $100,000,000 F-35C Lightning II jets.

Hopefully, it wasn’t this F-35C Lightning II jet:

On January 24, that jet crashed on the deck of the USS Carl Vinson aircraft carrier.

Then, according to this image…

The crash injured seven sailors including the pilot, when he ejected.  The jet skidded off the side of the aircraft carrier and into the South China Sea:

Where it promptly sank.

A Navy spokesperson referred to the incident as an “landing mishap.”

The story was all over the news for a day or two, and then we forgot about it. 

Until recently, when the January 24 crash was suddenly back in the news because this happened:

The article refers to the “harrowing crash” seen on the 51-second video, and “the jet’s rear erupting into flames as it hits the deck.”

The video was leaked onto social media.

A different Navy spokesperson talked about the “ongoing investigation” into the “unauthorized release of the shipboard video footage.”

The Navy isn’t happy about this unauthorized video release.

But you can be happy, because you didn’t invest your $50,000 into that 1/2000th share of that $100,000,000 F-35C Lightning II jet.

What’s that you say?

You did invest in in?

Oh…you’re right.

We all did.

We invested our…

And we’re not finished investing our tax dollars in this “landing mishap”:

The Navy wants to recover the F-35C Lightning II jet from the South China Sea because it’s loaded with all sorts of secret technology that our government doesn’t want China to access.

As if they weren’t already doing just that:

According to the CNN article, as of January 26, “U.S. salvage vessels are 10 to 15 days transit time to the site, and recovery once there could take up to 120 days.”

Another article quoted Carl Schuster, a retired U.S. Navy captain and former director of operations at the U.S. Pacific Command’s Joint Intelligence Center, who detailed what’s involved in an operation like this, and added, “We’re looking at several million dollars to do the recovery.”

“Several million dollars” is military lingo for, “Countless millions, but who cares?  It’s not our money.”

Case in point:

This $10,000 item, says the article – more military lingo here – is a “cover-center wall, troop compartment latrine…required to protect the aircraft from corrosion damage in the latrine area.”

It looks like this:

If the Air Force had asked me – which they’ve yet to do, about anything – I would have suggested they reconsider that $10,000 choice and check out this alternate on eBay:

“Velvet…washable…” and they could have bought 263 of these for $10,000!


We started with the question, “What will $50,000 get you these days?”

I know what that $50,000 will get me.

And I’m going to send a note to the IRS as follows:

To:  Mr. Charles Rettig, Commissioner, IRS

Re:  My 2021 and Future Tax Returns

Dear Commissioner Rettig:

In lieu of paying the IRS my taxes for 2021 and for the foreseeable future, I am instead directing a total of $50,000 toward the purchase of naming rights of a blue penguin presently residing at the Birch Aquarium in San Diego.

I consider this a much better use of my tax dollars, as I am certain the penguin will never, ever have a landing mishap on the deck of the Carl Vinson.

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